My boyfriend and I recently had a baby and moved in 2 months after the baby was born. Soon after, I found out he had been cheating and the other girl was pregnant. He told me, and she told me, he begged her to have a abortion. Now months later, the baby is here and he goes to visit. He tells me she still wants to be with him even though she knows we live together. Should I stay in this situation and trust my boyfriend, or should I move on?

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------

Move on to what? Do you have a place to stay and money to support your child?  And trust -- well, apparently, he isn't trustworthy, or you wouldn't be seeing the back side of him leaving to visit his child with another woman -- a woman he was seeing while you were pregnant with his child. He's like a pollinating bee. Hasn't anyone heard the words birth control!  Sadly, I'm not hopeful this will work out for you and him. I suspect you both are very young, and he seems especially flaky when it comes to the idea of settling down to any one woman. He's muddied the waters, and it's your unfortunate responsibility to monitor his behavior. If you do decide to leave, formulate a plan. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you want to make it the best for you and your child. If this boyfriend of yours proves he's not interested in having a "family," don't torture yourself by staying and hoping for a miracle to happen. Miracles usually happen to other people.

Dear Miss Emily,

About a month ago, I meet this Junior at my school. Our meeting was actually an accident. Previously I had taken notice of his friend and had begun to have feelings for him. But this new guy, unlike the other one was willing to talk to me, even though I'm only a freshman. Since then me and the new guy have gotten close, to a point where he feels comfortable calling me beautiful, pretty, and openly flirting with me. I often feel at a disadvantage because my flirtation techniques are juvenile compared to his. Yet after the 1st week of our flirtation, he mentioned his girlfriend. Since then, I haven't treated him any differently than when we first meet, but now my eyes are open, looking for any sign that he may be only using me. I'm afraid that he may be a player. But that is only half of my problems, the other half involves him being two years older than me. Since he's 17 and I'm only 15, I'm afraid that he may be worried that our relationship may be pointless because next year he'll be a senior. And finally, the last of my problem is that he may be putting me into the friend category and that is somewhere I don't want to end up. What should I do?

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------

Some guys just can't help themselves when they're around a pretty girl who's smart. But he has a girlfriend, and he's a little out-of-bounds by flirting with you so blatantly. It's not using you if you think about how some people operate. He fancies himself to be quite a catch, I'm sure, and he's letting you in on it. If it's an either, or, thing with you (you want him to pursue you in earnest, otherwise no friendship) cool the flirtation on your end. If he wonder why, tell him "I'm starting to feel sorry for your girlfriend." Snap! No matter what age, it's just not wise to get in too deep when someone is involved with another person. Protect your heart by using your head, and always put it in perspective. Now, all this said, if you find you can't help yourself when it comes to his irresistible charm, try to have fun with it. A learning experience, if you will. You're in control, but only if you understand that to be true.

Dear Miss Emily:

I and from the U K and need some advise. I have met this girl on a trip I went on. It was a part of a course we had to do so there were a few of us but we didn't really talk -- but I met her again at this place and we didn't stop talking and she gave me her number and we have kept taxting each other. We met 3 days ago and we took a walk around the park for 2 hours and we were just talking, and she thinks I'm really funny. I like this girl and I'm not sure if she likes me. I went to get a tattoo and she offered to come with me and I said yes, and next day she said "I'm getting a tattoo soon. Can you come with me?" So she likes being with me, but I'm not sure if I should ask her out but I don't want to  spoil our friendship. But if i dont ask, she could meet someone eles so please what should I do?

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

This is the perfect time to ask her out! The friendship isn't too solid where it would be awkward -- meaning you don't really risk anything because if she says "No,"  you say, "Oh, okay. No problem. Let's keep it friendly.Want to get something to eat?" And you go on with your life. Nothing ventured. Nothing gained, lad.

Dear Miss Emily:

Well, I'm 14 and my boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago. His friend asked me out today. He and I had gone out in fifth-sixth grade. I like him, but he dated my best friend last year and they broke up a few months ago. My friends and I have a girl code and the boys have guy code and one of the rules for both guy and girl code is that you can't date your best friend's ex without his or her permission. I want to get back together with him, but I'm not sure if my friends would accept me and him being together again. What should I do?

--------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

That's an absurd code, because it's based on jealousy/insecurity. Now if the friend was legitimately, emotionally damaged/hurt by this person, I could see where a pact to keep "hands off" would be appropriate. That said,  since you think there's merit to this code, all you can do is tell your friend he asked you out and take it from there. But be aware, although a friend may say "yes" she really mean "no" and, then, getting involved with the guy could end up the same as breaking the code without permission. Try having a heart-to-heart on this issue, and see if you're capable of finding out her true feelings. You went out with him in the fifth-sixth grade. That should work in your favor.

Emily:

Dear Miss Emily:

I'm 17 and so is my boyfriend. We've been dating for like 4 months now. We've kissed and stuff like that. Kissing is only how far we've gotten and we both want to take the next step, but either of us is making the move. What do I do?

----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------

What's your idea of a next step -- intercourse? If that's the case, you certainly need to talk about it to see if you and he are on the same page. It could happen naturally, but that's a bad move. You need protection -- even if you are both virgins, because you can't risk a pregnancy. And you must consider the repercussions if your parents were to find out and disapprove. Lots to consider on that score. If it's just graduating to something more than kissing but not going all the way, I think that would come in time, but things can move quickly from that point and that's why you need to have the big "discussion" no matter how sensitive the subject. If you are going to be intimate with him on any major level, you also need to learn to communicate. If he won't start the conversation, you do it. This could be the very thing that breaks the ice.

Emily:

My girlfriend and me have been dating for 6 months and we are both still virgins. Last night she asked me a question that doesn't make much sense to me.  I want to wait to have sex until I'm married, or almost, and she told me that too but, last night, she said that she would have sex with me if I wanted her to, and I don't know if that's a hint that she wants me to tell her I do too. I would do anything for her. She told me she has ben thinking about it for a few weeks, and I told her I want to wait. I love her with all my heart and soul, and shes the girl I want to get married to someday. I never really thought about having sex with her until she brought it up last night and, now, I just don't know .

-------------------------Miss Emily's--------------------------

I understand the "great" temptation but, right now, you shouldn't go ahead and have sex if you made up your mind that you want to wait. This is one of those areas that is subject to change, however. Good communication is everything in a relationship and you need to get this settled, at least for now, in order to maintain an even keel.  Never do anything that is not right for you, nor compromise your values. I know you love her, but doing anything for her is not always a reasonable approach. That said, if you change your mind, and you have every right if you feel comfortable with the decision, make sure you use protection (no unplanned pregnancy, please) and aren't going to be subjected to her parents' wrath (if you are underage) and they find out about it. This kind of decision should be a mature decision -- as well, you want to avoid any future trouble and/or regret.

Dear Miss Emily:

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 27. The age difference is not an issue. Recently, I've had this girl tell me she's having my boyfriend's baby. I asked him and he said he doesn't know who she is. She knows a lot about his marks on his body all that type of stuff, and she knows were we live. I've just moved in with him and she knew all that, but he still protests that he doesn't know her. He's asked all his friends if they know her. My head is all over the place. Half of me believes him, the other half believes her. No one will give me a true answer. Before my boyfriend met me, he was a bad player. Now I don't know what to do. Please help me, or just tell me your thoughts on the situation and, if it was you, what would you do. Thank you.

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

Only a "nut case" would make a claim like this if she hasn't had any involvement with him, and he, supposedly, doesn't even know her. If you really want to get to the  bottom of this, I think you and your boyfriend meeting with her to hash this out would be appropriate. I mean, think about it --  if there's any truth to it, this is going to come out eventually! And if there is no truth to it, you'd think he'd be mad as hell and want to face his accuser!  You don't need to be more involved with him if seven months from now there's a possibility he's going to be a dad, and lied to you about it. At least you want to make an informed choice to stay or go, knowing what could be ahead of you. Often times, where there's smoke, there's fire. If he's not willing to settle this for his own sake, as well as yours, he's hiding something and probably praying a lot.

Emily:

I am sixteen, going on seventeen and about a month and a half ago I got back together with my 17 going on 18 year old boyfriend. I'm sick of tearing my friends ears off about my relationship so I thought I'd try this. I am in love with this boy and I seriously know he cares deeply about me. yet.. he doesn't show it at school. He will NOT come to my locker unless I make him, and honestly I just feel like he's embarrassed of me. The last time we dated it was during the summer and at the end of the school year, so I didn't realize he was embarrassed of me then. I am one of the girls in my school that many boys fawn over. I could get any guy i want if I try hard enough., yet he doesn't seem to want to show me off. All a girl wants is to be treasured and feel needed. And I don't feel like it. But I still feel like I need him. I've never been in another relationship, but the one I'm in with him and I can't get myself to get over him  -- and I don't want to get over him, but I want him to show a little bit more care. He's one of the players of the school pretty much. He's been with many girls but he always wants me more than any of them and showed it at the beginning of our relationship when we got back together, but since then he's kind of faded in the caring about me category. I see him walking with other girls in the hall way and wonder why he can't just be himself around me at school. We just get awkward around each other because I can just tell he doesn't want to be with me at school. But as soon as school gets out, he seems to still want me. I've asked him if he feels differently about me or if he's embarrassed of me and he says that he feels completely the same when he's in the school. but why doesnt he show it? And how do I get him to realize how good he's got it with me? He knew it when he didn't have me because he wanted me back so badly but, now, that he's gotten me back, I feel like he thinks he doesn't need to try any more. All my guy friends tell me that he doesn't treat me right, and I know it's true. He doesn't have a job so I pay for a lot of the things we do. He always chooses his friends over me. He flirts with other girls. He makes me feel bad about myself. and, yet, I always find myself thinking about him --  not always in good ways but for the most part I still love him. I just don't feel happy lately... got any advice?

----------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------

Maybe it's similar to some guys who won't wear a wedding ring, because they want to keep their options open! He's got the power in this relationship and he thinks any way he directs it should be fine with you. At school he doesn't want to tied to you. He wants to socialize, feel free to be who he wants to be, and hanging out with you at your locker or joined at the hip is not the image he wants to project. I don't think he's embarrassed of you at all. How could he be, you're a catch! But his ego doesn't allow the commitment you want, and that's where you're going to have to decide what to do about it. Talk is cheap, and if his words don't measure up to his actions, he's just another guy who's doing what he wants and expects his girlfriend to go along with it. You may want him because he's a challenge -- someone to conquer -- and he may have many attributes, but he isn't loyal in the way you want him to be, he ignores your attempts to fix it, and that tells me a lot about who he is and what you should do about it -- and that would be to break-up with him and find a guy who gives you what you want in a relationship. Bottom line? He is who he is, and that's unlikely to change.

Emily,

I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been together for over a year and 2 months now. We are very serious about each other and plan on getting married someday, but he doesn't have a job and hasn't had one in a few months. My mom is always putting him down and telling me he's just using me and that he will never make anything of himself. It's really hard to get a job where I live so I've been giving him time. He's trying to get a job but Mom won't believe me. My mom is always making me feel bad and sometimes I believe her. I trust my boyfriend because I don't think he's ever given me a reason not to. He's has gave me reasons to trust him. I get so mad to where I want to run away when I'm 17 to live with him because it's legal in Texas. I don't know if I should break up with him just because he doesn't have a job, or not. He lives about 45 minutes away from me, and I don't get to see him much but maybe twice a month because he doesn't have a car. I don't know what to do. I need advice, help me?

----------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------

Kudos to you for being able to carry on a relationship with a 45 minute distance between you and him! That takes emotional strength. I can see where you mother is coming from to some degree, but you are right, as well -- jobs are hard to get in this lousy economy. I don't know about your state, but you might do some research on the web to see what areas are hiring just for your own peace of mind.  I assume he lives with his family and so there is no urgent need to move to another spot to look for work (?). Your mother has your best interests at heart. I think she realizes that a relationship can only survive if there is financial support because, most times, love just isn't enough. You are young, and so the struggle isn't as apparent to you, but having no money, no opportunities, and no means of support -- like food and shelter -- is no way to live if you can absolutely help it. There's that old saying, "When poverty walks in the door, love flies out the window." If you are used to any kind of creature comforts, that's especially true. I don't think you need to break up with him, just yet, but your dream of leaving at 17 in hopes of finding happiness with a guy who may be jobless, and you having only a high school education could be a struggle. Service industry jobs are low paying and, unless you have a skill, a minimum wage might not be enough to pay for all of your living expenses -- and a car, insurance, etc. It could fly if both of you were working 40 hours a week. But minimum wage jobs sometimes only offer part-time work in order for a company to avoid paying health insurance. I'm not saying these are the only jobs available, but it's an example. So you see, although you love him, there's a lot to consider. I wish you had a plan (and maybe do) to find a career for yourself that makes you financially independent -- if you end up with him, or don't, because that's just a good thing for girls to pursue. Life is tough, and times are especially hard, now. You are going to have to use your smarts to figure out where you are headed with this guy in order to insure a happy future for yourself. Sixteen is a little young to start thinking about forever with any one person -- and even true even if you were a rich teen. You have a whole life ahead of you, and making this kind of decision at your age could backfire. Just be cautious. I don't think it's a matter of not being able to trust your boyfriend, I'm sure he's a good guy, but being a good guy doesn't mean he's reliable in all areas. Tell your mother you take into consideration her feelings on the subject, but you have feelings, too. Reassure her you will use your head when it comes to making serious decisions and are interested in your future success, as well. And believe what you say. This approach might help ease the stress.