- Home
- Relationships - Women
- Break ups And Hook ups
Break ups And Hook ups
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/11/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Hi, me and ex boyfriend have been on and off for a while now. We are currently off (and in two different cities for the summer), however he does want to be with me and we have both agreed to going to couples therapy when we see each other again in a few weeks. The biggest problem right now is that I have hooked up with another guy since he ended things and didn't contact me or answer me for 10 days. I truly believed it was over for good, even though I didn't want it to be, so I tried to move on like any woman should in that situation. He has already told me before, after our first reconciliation, that he would not be able to forgive me if I had been with anyone else while we were apart. But what did he expect me to do after 3 break ups? I know that nothing I did was wrong, but how do I go about telling him that he has no right to be angry at me for what I did and help him understand that we can be together again and move past this. I know he will specifically ask me if I have been with anyone since him, and although they meant nothing, I wouldn't feel right lying to him and hiding it. Thanks!
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
I agree with you, he has no right to be angry if you did get with someone else during your break-ups. Break-ups usually indicate a parting of the ways, and there's no legitimate reason to be put in dry dock, so to speak. His behavior is selfish, too possessive, and exhibiting that type of control troubles me. I do understand that there is a tendency to get jealous, although it's a wasted emotion, for the most part, and something that needs to be put in check. The rational approach is to accept that these things happen. If there's anything that can be learned from it, is you and he either have enough love to work out the relationship in order to maintain monogamy, or you don't. You seem determined to tell him you did "hook-up," but from the way you have portrayed him, I don't think he'll be happy about it, despite the irrational nature of his thinking. Be prepared for this to be a deal-breaker, or a guilt trip laid on you that will make you wish you had joined a nunnery. Personally, I don't think he has a right to know under the circumstances.
Hi, me and ex boyfriend have been on and off for a while now. We are currently off (and in two different cities for the summer), however he does want to be with me and we have both agreed to going to couples therapy when we see each other again in a few weeks. The biggest problem right now is that I have hooked up with another guy since he ended things and didn't contact me or answer me for 10 days. I truly believed it was over for good, even though I didn't want it to be, so I tried to move on like any woman should in that situation. He has already told me before, after our first reconciliation, that he would not be able to forgive me if I had been with anyone else while we were apart. But what did he expect me to do after 3 break ups? I know that nothing I did was wrong, but how do I go about telling him that he has no right to be angry at me for what I did and help him understand that we can be together again and move past this. I know he will specifically ask me if I have been with anyone since him, and although they meant nothing, I wouldn't feel right lying to him and hiding it. Thanks!
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
I agree with you, he has no right to be angry if you did get with someone else during your break-ups. Break-ups usually indicate a parting of the ways, and there's no legitimate reason to be put in dry dock, so to speak. His behavior is selfish, too possessive, and exhibiting that type of control troubles me. I do understand that there is a tendency to get jealous, although it's a wasted emotion, for the most part, and something that needs to be put in check. The rational approach is to accept that these things happen. If there's anything that can be learned from it, is you and he either have enough love to work out the relationship in order to maintain monogamy, or you don't. You seem determined to tell him you did "hook-up," but from the way you have portrayed him, I don't think he'll be happy about it, despite the irrational nature of his thinking. Be prepared for this to be a deal-breaker, or a guilt trip laid on you that will make you wish you had joined a nunnery. Personally, I don't think he has a right to know under the circumstances.
