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High School Reunion Hook-up
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/7/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been married 8 yrs. I love my husband, but not sure if I'm in love with him. I told him I need more, but he rolls his eyes and says he'll try. We hardly talk, and with our son going to college I'm afraid everything will fall part. Last weekend at a class reunion (my husband refused to go), I met with old friends for drinks prior. On of the old friends was an ex that I'm still close with on many levels, especially his family, but we personally don't see each other often. "L" has been a great friend and sometimes protector through the years. "L's" wife is sick and he is having issues, and with my marriage issues, we talked and drank all night. We ended up sleeping together, and it was so passionate. Something I no longer have in my marriage. "L" and I have talked via email several times since admitting we both did wrong. He suggested we get together and try to get past this "elephant." I know he feels as bad as I do, and our biggest concerns are 1-not screwing up our marriages, and, 2-keeping our friendship. Does this seem possible? I'm afraid we will get alone in a room and start all over, again. Should we tell our spouses? Mine I'm sure would understand, but his would not. Please help.
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I don't know how understanding your husband would be if you told him, and I wouldn't test it. Your friend has a sick wife and is fully entrenched in what he has going on in his life and, as much as you found great solace in each other (and it must have been an incredible experience), you need to truly evaluate what actually happened between you and him. And you're right, if you have the opportunity to do it again, I'd bet my dog's life you two would end up in bed -- and, then, you and he are off to the races, so to speak, with no desire to turn back the clock. I agree with him that you and he need to have a serious talk about where this is going, and if it's even possible to maintain a friendship. It's happened, but you and he have strong feelings for each other and, now, you have been sexually intimate. Obviously, some people have affairs as an escape from their less-than-happy home lives, and that's a possibility for you and this man (despite you thinking, "Emily, No!") But you're no fool, and you know that many times they are found out. If you truly feel you cannot jeopardize your home environment under any circumstances, you need to see it that way and absolutely do not put yourself in a situation where you and he are alone, or drinking -- at least for a long period of time. If you think there's something to salvage in your own marriage, ask your husband to seek counseling with you. It could make or break your relationship with him, but at least you would know if your one-night fling with your friend was only that, or a true desire to find someone you feel is more compatible with who you are, and what you want out of life.
I have been married 8 yrs. I love my husband, but not sure if I'm in love with him. I told him I need more, but he rolls his eyes and says he'll try. We hardly talk, and with our son going to college I'm afraid everything will fall part. Last weekend at a class reunion (my husband refused to go), I met with old friends for drinks prior. On of the old friends was an ex that I'm still close with on many levels, especially his family, but we personally don't see each other often. "L" has been a great friend and sometimes protector through the years. "L's" wife is sick and he is having issues, and with my marriage issues, we talked and drank all night. We ended up sleeping together, and it was so passionate. Something I no longer have in my marriage. "L" and I have talked via email several times since admitting we both did wrong. He suggested we get together and try to get past this "elephant." I know he feels as bad as I do, and our biggest concerns are 1-not screwing up our marriages, and, 2-keeping our friendship. Does this seem possible? I'm afraid we will get alone in a room and start all over, again. Should we tell our spouses? Mine I'm sure would understand, but his would not. Please help.
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I don't know how understanding your husband would be if you told him, and I wouldn't test it. Your friend has a sick wife and is fully entrenched in what he has going on in his life and, as much as you found great solace in each other (and it must have been an incredible experience), you need to truly evaluate what actually happened between you and him. And you're right, if you have the opportunity to do it again, I'd bet my dog's life you two would end up in bed -- and, then, you and he are off to the races, so to speak, with no desire to turn back the clock. I agree with him that you and he need to have a serious talk about where this is going, and if it's even possible to maintain a friendship. It's happened, but you and he have strong feelings for each other and, now, you have been sexually intimate. Obviously, some people have affairs as an escape from their less-than-happy home lives, and that's a possibility for you and this man (despite you thinking, "Emily, No!") But you're no fool, and you know that many times they are found out. If you truly feel you cannot jeopardize your home environment under any circumstances, you need to see it that way and absolutely do not put yourself in a situation where you and he are alone, or drinking -- at least for a long period of time. If you think there's something to salvage in your own marriage, ask your husband to seek counseling with you. It could make or break your relationship with him, but at least you would know if your one-night fling with your friend was only that, or a true desire to find someone you feel is more compatible with who you are, and what you want out of life.
