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Is Boyfriend Being Honest?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/5/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been going with a man for two years. We are in an exclusive relationship and have recently been discussing marriage. He recently mentioned that he ran into a friend of his that went to the same high school as me. He said she knows who I am and knows my brothers. He said her husband knows me and went to the same high school . Emily, I don't remember these people. I graduated from high school 30 years ago. I told him that I don't remember either one of them. I asked how he knew them. He said he met her at K-mart and she wanted to e-mail him but told him she had to ask her husband if it was OK first and then a fews days later she started sending him emails. I was very surprised to hear this as he had never mentioned to me that he knew anyone who claimed to know me. This was a couple of months ago. Two weeks ago he called me and asked if I remembered him telling me about his friend. He recently got a new sports car. He said that he had talked to her that day and wanted to take his car over to her house to show it to them. He asked if I would like to go and meet them. I went along with them. After I saw her I recognized her as being the receptionist at my kids school. After talking to her, I did know her sister when I was in college. I remember her but I don't recall her husband at all. I felt kind of uncomfortable. When we arrived at her house she introduced my boyfriend and me to her husband. So apparently he didn't know him. He has just been having an email correspondence with her.We chatted for awhile, had some iced tea and took them for a ride in the car. Then we left. My boyfriend had shown them a card and literature about his car and a Track and Road experience that we are going to attend. He left the papers at their home. A few days ago, he told me that he was helping another friend of his work on a car. (They restore cars as a hobby) I didn't think anything of it. However, he always calls me every night that we don't see each other. That night he did not call me. I thought maybe they worked late and that was why he didn't call me. The next afternoon, I got a voice mail from him. I returned his call a few hours later. He made a comment that he was glad I called and wondered why I hadn't called him back for two days. I said I didn't understand because I spoke with him yesterday when he called to tell me he was helping his friend with his car. He said he left me a voice mail when he got home about 10:30 that night. I didn't get the voice mail. Anyway, we had plans to cook out at his house. When I got there, I noticed he had his card and paper back. Therefore, he must have seen his woman friend the day or night before to have gotten it back. This would not have bothered me except for his silence about it. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to come across as being suspicious. Then tonight we went out to dinner. He told me that this woman's sister was in the hospital. At first I didn't know who he was talking about. I asked him and he said it was this woman friend. I asked when he talked to her. He said he didn't. He said she emailed him. I asked him how exactly does he know her and how often do they email each other. He said every week. Now, I am not a jealous type person. But, he has been emailing this woman fro two years. He never mentioned it to me until recently. He told her about me before he ever mentioned her to me. This bothers me. He said that if I met someone from his hometown and high school wouldn't I introduce them. My point is that ,I would tell him if I met someone that he went to school with. I wouldn't email them for two years and tell them all about him before I ever mentioned them to him. He seemed to be upset with me for questioning him. He said he didn't realize I had a side like this to me. He said he didn't know that I was insecure. I told him that I am not insecure. I think anyone would find it uncomfortable if they were in my situation. I think a married woman who approaches a stranger in a Kmart and asks for their email address is odd. Am I being over reactive? What is your view of this situation. I feel like he is not being forth coming and that he is trying to twist it around like I am the one who is not being appropriate. I know this is a long letter but please give me your feedback.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
It seems a little odd, but I don't want to be too suspicious of the fact he was not forthcoming. It would have been appropriate to have shared this information with you, sooner. But I also know it can be a touchy situation if a man (or woman) thinks his girlfriend would find fault with something he thinks is just an innocent friendship with weekly e-mail updates. Now, that said, I believe he was purposely withholding information about seeing her to pick up his card and paper, and could have outright lied about leaving you a message. He knew you would find it troubling that he went to see her and would probably have said nothing if you hadn't seen the evidence. I think he thoroughly enjoys this friendship with her but decided, now that you and he are talking marriage, to take you to meet these people to finally bring it out in the open -- come clean so-to-speak. I don't think there's anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex but, as I've always said, when you're in a committed relationship, it's imperative that you are included. There should be no sneaking around, and his e-mails with her should be available for you to read unless he's planning a surprise birthday party for you and he's commissioned her to bake the cake. Make these points clear to him, and he should agree with you. If not, I would strongly recommend couples counseling before you walk down the isle with him.
I have been going with a man for two years. We are in an exclusive relationship and have recently been discussing marriage. He recently mentioned that he ran into a friend of his that went to the same high school as me. He said she knows who I am and knows my brothers. He said her husband knows me and went to the same high school . Emily, I don't remember these people. I graduated from high school 30 years ago. I told him that I don't remember either one of them. I asked how he knew them. He said he met her at K-mart and she wanted to e-mail him but told him she had to ask her husband if it was OK first and then a fews days later she started sending him emails. I was very surprised to hear this as he had never mentioned to me that he knew anyone who claimed to know me. This was a couple of months ago. Two weeks ago he called me and asked if I remembered him telling me about his friend. He recently got a new sports car. He said that he had talked to her that day and wanted to take his car over to her house to show it to them. He asked if I would like to go and meet them. I went along with them. After I saw her I recognized her as being the receptionist at my kids school. After talking to her, I did know her sister when I was in college. I remember her but I don't recall her husband at all. I felt kind of uncomfortable. When we arrived at her house she introduced my boyfriend and me to her husband. So apparently he didn't know him. He has just been having an email correspondence with her.We chatted for awhile, had some iced tea and took them for a ride in the car. Then we left. My boyfriend had shown them a card and literature about his car and a Track and Road experience that we are going to attend. He left the papers at their home. A few days ago, he told me that he was helping another friend of his work on a car. (They restore cars as a hobby) I didn't think anything of it. However, he always calls me every night that we don't see each other. That night he did not call me. I thought maybe they worked late and that was why he didn't call me. The next afternoon, I got a voice mail from him. I returned his call a few hours later. He made a comment that he was glad I called and wondered why I hadn't called him back for two days. I said I didn't understand because I spoke with him yesterday when he called to tell me he was helping his friend with his car. He said he left me a voice mail when he got home about 10:30 that night. I didn't get the voice mail. Anyway, we had plans to cook out at his house. When I got there, I noticed he had his card and paper back. Therefore, he must have seen his woman friend the day or night before to have gotten it back. This would not have bothered me except for his silence about it. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to come across as being suspicious. Then tonight we went out to dinner. He told me that this woman's sister was in the hospital. At first I didn't know who he was talking about. I asked him and he said it was this woman friend. I asked when he talked to her. He said he didn't. He said she emailed him. I asked him how exactly does he know her and how often do they email each other. He said every week. Now, I am not a jealous type person. But, he has been emailing this woman fro two years. He never mentioned it to me until recently. He told her about me before he ever mentioned her to me. This bothers me. He said that if I met someone from his hometown and high school wouldn't I introduce them. My point is that ,I would tell him if I met someone that he went to school with. I wouldn't email them for two years and tell them all about him before I ever mentioned them to him. He seemed to be upset with me for questioning him. He said he didn't realize I had a side like this to me. He said he didn't know that I was insecure. I told him that I am not insecure. I think anyone would find it uncomfortable if they were in my situation. I think a married woman who approaches a stranger in a Kmart and asks for their email address is odd. Am I being over reactive? What is your view of this situation. I feel like he is not being forth coming and that he is trying to twist it around like I am the one who is not being appropriate. I know this is a long letter but please give me your feedback.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
It seems a little odd, but I don't want to be too suspicious of the fact he was not forthcoming. It would have been appropriate to have shared this information with you, sooner. But I also know it can be a touchy situation if a man (or woman) thinks his girlfriend would find fault with something he thinks is just an innocent friendship with weekly e-mail updates. Now, that said, I believe he was purposely withholding information about seeing her to pick up his card and paper, and could have outright lied about leaving you a message. He knew you would find it troubling that he went to see her and would probably have said nothing if you hadn't seen the evidence. I think he thoroughly enjoys this friendship with her but decided, now that you and he are talking marriage, to take you to meet these people to finally bring it out in the open -- come clean so-to-speak. I don't think there's anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex but, as I've always said, when you're in a committed relationship, it's imperative that you are included. There should be no sneaking around, and his e-mails with her should be available for you to read unless he's planning a surprise birthday party for you and he's commissioned her to bake the cake. Make these points clear to him, and he should agree with you. If not, I would strongly recommend couples counseling before you walk down the isle with him.
