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My Husband's Female Friendship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/5/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Emily,
I am a 26 yr old woman married for the last 2.5 years. My husband is great friends with this another woman whom he knows since before he met me. I would call this woman M in the rest of the email. 'M' and my husband 'A' used to work together in a company in 2004. MY husband and I now work in the same company (though we did not meet here, we knew each other from before). 2 years ago, my husband forwarded M's CV in our company and she was interviewed and hired. Since then their friendship has been growing because they now get to spend more time together. 'M' is also married and has two kids. Over the weekends we go to each other's place at times. I was never uncomfortable with my husband's friendship with 'M' because it never seemed to be going out of control. They used to be in the limits. But lately i have been feeling that they are overdoing it. I work in shifts at my company whereas my husband and 'M' come to work almost at the same time everyday. I have observed this myself and have also been told by some of my friends at work that she spends way too much time at my husband's desk. It is specially too much when I am not there in the shift at the time when my husband and M are in the office. They are in 2 completely different departments and their work doesn not require any kind of interaction with each other. My husband's cubicle is very close to mine and everytime she has to meet him, she has to first cross my cubicle. Then then chat for at least 30-45 minutes. This goes on for like 5-8 times a day. Then when she leaves from work she asks my husband to accompany her to the parking. When we get home, she calls up my husband on phone and they again talk for 30-45 minutes or more. Sometimes when i am in night shift, my husband and M go out partying (not alone though , they have couple of other friends in the group). Yesterday i discovered 2 messages on his phone which M had sent him when i was out of town. They read like this:
1. " I am looking quite nice in this dress.. wish you could see me. You have transformed me into this dumb bimbette and I love you for that."
-Message sent on 20th June 2010
2. "Are you dead? Why are you not picking up your phone? I hope it is not because I love you. Don't reply :) "
Message Sent on 19th June, 2010
To the first message my husband replied:
"Take a picture and show me later"
I am not able to understand this equation between them. Can you please tell me if they are being just friends or somewhat more than that.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
I'm not comfortable with what you've told me, so I can imagine how you feel! Looking at the correspondence between them, she is way out of line. I think it's time for a discussion with your husband about their friendship and the extent of it. Tell him you're not suggesting there is something going on between them, yet, but you are troubled by their constant "togetherness." If he doesn't understand your point of view, after all you are married to him, not her, then he has a sensitivity chip missing and some marriage counseling is in order. Be firm on this, Ashley. If you back down and allow him to think you're out of line, rather than him and this woman, it would be a mistake. You have every right to ask your husband to be your best friend, and not to make you feel as if this woman's friendship is the center of his, and her, world. Now, that said, this woman may love the idea of wanting men close to her to bolster her fragile ego, and men are sometimes naive but, again, it's beyond acceptable behavior from what you have told me. Keep me posted.
I am a 26 yr old woman married for the last 2.5 years. My husband is great friends with this another woman whom he knows since before he met me. I would call this woman M in the rest of the email. 'M' and my husband 'A' used to work together in a company in 2004. MY husband and I now work in the same company (though we did not meet here, we knew each other from before). 2 years ago, my husband forwarded M's CV in our company and she was interviewed and hired. Since then their friendship has been growing because they now get to spend more time together. 'M' is also married and has two kids. Over the weekends we go to each other's place at times. I was never uncomfortable with my husband's friendship with 'M' because it never seemed to be going out of control. They used to be in the limits. But lately i have been feeling that they are overdoing it. I work in shifts at my company whereas my husband and 'M' come to work almost at the same time everyday. I have observed this myself and have also been told by some of my friends at work that she spends way too much time at my husband's desk. It is specially too much when I am not there in the shift at the time when my husband and M are in the office. They are in 2 completely different departments and their work doesn not require any kind of interaction with each other. My husband's cubicle is very close to mine and everytime she has to meet him, she has to first cross my cubicle. Then then chat for at least 30-45 minutes. This goes on for like 5-8 times a day. Then when she leaves from work she asks my husband to accompany her to the parking. When we get home, she calls up my husband on phone and they again talk for 30-45 minutes or more. Sometimes when i am in night shift, my husband and M go out partying (not alone though , they have couple of other friends in the group). Yesterday i discovered 2 messages on his phone which M had sent him when i was out of town. They read like this:
1. " I am looking quite nice in this dress.. wish you could see me. You have transformed me into this dumb bimbette and I love you for that."
-Message sent on 20th June 2010
2. "Are you dead? Why are you not picking up your phone? I hope it is not because I love you. Don't reply :) "
Message Sent on 19th June, 2010
To the first message my husband replied:
"Take a picture and show me later"
I am not able to understand this equation between them. Can you please tell me if they are being just friends or somewhat more than that.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
I'm not comfortable with what you've told me, so I can imagine how you feel! Looking at the correspondence between them, she is way out of line. I think it's time for a discussion with your husband about their friendship and the extent of it. Tell him you're not suggesting there is something going on between them, yet, but you are troubled by their constant "togetherness." If he doesn't understand your point of view, after all you are married to him, not her, then he has a sensitivity chip missing and some marriage counseling is in order. Be firm on this, Ashley. If you back down and allow him to think you're out of line, rather than him and this woman, it would be a mistake. You have every right to ask your husband to be your best friend, and not to make you feel as if this woman's friendship is the center of his, and her, world. Now, that said, this woman may love the idea of wanting men close to her to bolster her fragile ego, and men are sometimes naive but, again, it's beyond acceptable behavior from what you have told me. Keep me posted.
