Dear Miss Emily:

Well, i am 42 years old and i feel that my boyfriend id my soul mate. We have known each other for 14 years and have always been those kind of friends with benefits.  He broke my heart about 9 and half years ago, went and married someone who has the same name as me, and they have been divorced for 3 years now.  He was hurt and  he does not like to share his feelings and he keeps them all bottled up inside.  We went out drinking the other night and he told me that he loved me.  I really did not know what to say, so i mentioned it on Sunday, and i told him that i love him too.  We have so much fun together and we are both happy. His friends tell me that he is really happy and you can tell that. But my problem is, is that I want more.  I want him to open up, and i'm scared that if I push he will push away from me.  I have thought about giving him a time frame. We are going away in November for vacation. I am not asking for marriage, just more like maybe living together. What should i do?

--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

I agree with you. You're going to want him to open up if  this leads to any true commitment in the relationship -- because if you don't have that type of intimacy with him, you're never going to feel included. It is a good sign that's he's confessed his love for you, and this is an opportunity to lay the groundwork for better communication. Gently remind him that the basis for any great relationship is the intimacy of sharing feelings and entrusting each other with that information. Use the November vacation as the turning point. If all goes well, you can make your intentions known. Right now, I think it's too soon.