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Long-distance Relationship Angst
- By Miss Emily
- Published 07/27/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
All right, so this girl who's 18 btw, and I'm 20 has liked me for 3 years and I only really looked at her as a friend. Mainly because she used to date one of my friends (who now I don't talk to) and, now, I live in Florida when I used to live in New York (where she is, currently). She would always try to get at me and I could see her trying to get me to like her. She even told me she tried giving up on me like 5 times, but never could because she ended up missing me too much. Over the last 6 months, or so, I have developed feelings for this girl and then when I went up to visit last week and saw her, for the first time in like a year and a half, these feelings are now on another level. We even both said when we hung out for the first time it was like we had been hanging out 1000 times before and that's what makes this feel so real and she thinks the same way. We talked about the long distance thing but we pretty much agreed that we should keep things the way they are and still talk like we were doing, because were afraid if we make it official that would ruin things. She said she wants to come down in September to visit to see how I live and things like that. But now it just really sucks because I don't know what to do. It's like a wait-and-see thing, and I hate that. She said shes going to move down once she gets enough money and our ultimate goal is to find a place together. She always reassures me that I'm the only one she wants, nobody else. and that she wants to be with me forever. But I still worry because she's the type that gets lonely a lot and what if she gets tired of being lonely? It's just eating me alive inside thinking about it. I guess I'm just looking for some advice, or maybe someone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
If you can't trust her to wait until September when you can be together for a visit, you're not as a far along in this relationship as you think you are! You don't have any proof that she's going to get antsy because of acute loneliness, and I think you may be inviting trouble where none exist -- or you're tapping into your own insecurities and feelings of loneliness. If she's been after you all this time, I would think she's sincere about her hopes and plans. Now, that's not to say that things don't change no matter the earnest effort put forth in the beginning of a relationship -- but if I were you, I'd keep the lines of communication open and wait patiently until September. It really is too early to think "forever." But it's not too early to allow this relationship to grow by making plans to be together, face-to-face, in order to see how compatible you and she are for the long term. Act in haste, repent in leisure, my friend.
All right, so this girl who's 18 btw, and I'm 20 has liked me for 3 years and I only really looked at her as a friend. Mainly because she used to date one of my friends (who now I don't talk to) and, now, I live in Florida when I used to live in New York (where she is, currently). She would always try to get at me and I could see her trying to get me to like her. She even told me she tried giving up on me like 5 times, but never could because she ended up missing me too much. Over the last 6 months, or so, I have developed feelings for this girl and then when I went up to visit last week and saw her, for the first time in like a year and a half, these feelings are now on another level. We even both said when we hung out for the first time it was like we had been hanging out 1000 times before and that's what makes this feel so real and she thinks the same way. We talked about the long distance thing but we pretty much agreed that we should keep things the way they are and still talk like we were doing, because were afraid if we make it official that would ruin things. She said she wants to come down in September to visit to see how I live and things like that. But now it just really sucks because I don't know what to do. It's like a wait-and-see thing, and I hate that. She said shes going to move down once she gets enough money and our ultimate goal is to find a place together. She always reassures me that I'm the only one she wants, nobody else. and that she wants to be with me forever. But I still worry because she's the type that gets lonely a lot and what if she gets tired of being lonely? It's just eating me alive inside thinking about it. I guess I'm just looking for some advice, or maybe someone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
If you can't trust her to wait until September when you can be together for a visit, you're not as a far along in this relationship as you think you are! You don't have any proof that she's going to get antsy because of acute loneliness, and I think you may be inviting trouble where none exist -- or you're tapping into your own insecurities and feelings of loneliness. If she's been after you all this time, I would think she's sincere about her hopes and plans. Now, that's not to say that things don't change no matter the earnest effort put forth in the beginning of a relationship -- but if I were you, I'd keep the lines of communication open and wait patiently until September. It really is too early to think "forever." But it's not too early to allow this relationship to grow by making plans to be together, face-to-face, in order to see how compatible you and she are for the long term. Act in haste, repent in leisure, my friend.
