Hi Emily:

First of all, I am in my thirties and went through a divorce from an abusive marriage. I've been in a new relationship for the past 2 1/2 years. The new guy and I clicked really well and he treats me so good. Problem is, he's never been married and I was married for 13 years. I have two kids, he doesn't have kids. After six months together he moved in with me and after a year I figured he would take the relationship another step but he then told me he had to be with someone at least 2 years before he could commit. It's been 2 1/2 years now and he says that he's still not sure if he wants to marry me.  He says he loves me and wants to be with me forever.  We act like husband and wife only without the legal papers. I get so frustrated because I'm not sure where things stand. When I bring it up to him, he listens with not much of a response and then the conversation gets forgotten. How sure does he have to be?  What about me is going to change rather it be sooner or later?

--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------

Some women want marriage, and there's nothing wrong with that. But we all know plenty of marriages go sour and a ring on the finger is no guarantee a relationship with last forever. He might simply not like the idea of marriage because of the legal commitments. He's never been married and, because so many marriages are fractured, he might also think it's too risky to rock the boat and end up like a lot of his friends. I understand that beside marriage being a legal issue, it is also a mindset and it does bespeak a "special commitment." But that is not what he's thinking, and you have to weigh the pros and cons. If he's a great guy and you have a good relationship, maybe it's best to let this desire for marriage rest -- take the pressure off yourself, and him, and see where that takes you. Marriage to him is no guarantee he'd stick around if he felt like leaving the relationship. That said, if this is all that important to you, give him an ultimatum! But I think you'd be disappointed with his response based on what you have told me.