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Wait or Move On?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 07/23/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My ex and I broke up after a year around 6 weeks ago - it was mutual and based on a breakdown in communication - we both agree we threw in the towel too early due to fears of rejection on both our parts. He contacted me 2 weeks ago we had a long conversation and decided that it we both still wanted to be with each other. We took time out to think about it and what we would do to make it work and last night spoke again. He told me that he has decided he can't be in a relationship if he is to deal with the issues in himself family/self esteem/moods etc. And he needs to be happy in himself before he can be with anyone. He told me he is trying to change himself with me in his head as his future, and he does want to be with me. He said that he thinks I might be the one, and loves me. He wanted my help through this, but doesn't want to hurt me again if he can't change. Part of him wants me to wait for him to sort himself out, part of him understands it's unfair to ask me to put my life on hold for him. I love him and I also think he is the one for me. So I am terribly torn, do I wait, offer occasional support or offer constant, loving support to him?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I understand your disappointment because time is a factor here and, of course, the unknown. Offer support, but find a balance. You don't want him to think you're pleading a case for being together. You wrote this: "All I want is happiness and for him to be happy, and I'll do whatever it takes to find that." Okay, I agree with that plan. In a reasonable amount of time (and you''ll know when that is), you'll be able to see which direction this is taking and, then, you can make plans accordingly.
My ex and I broke up after a year around 6 weeks ago - it was mutual and based on a breakdown in communication - we both agree we threw in the towel too early due to fears of rejection on both our parts. He contacted me 2 weeks ago we had a long conversation and decided that it we both still wanted to be with each other. We took time out to think about it and what we would do to make it work and last night spoke again. He told me that he has decided he can't be in a relationship if he is to deal with the issues in himself family/self esteem/moods etc. And he needs to be happy in himself before he can be with anyone. He told me he is trying to change himself with me in his head as his future, and he does want to be with me. He said that he thinks I might be the one, and loves me. He wanted my help through this, but doesn't want to hurt me again if he can't change. Part of him wants me to wait for him to sort himself out, part of him understands it's unfair to ask me to put my life on hold for him. I love him and I also think he is the one for me. So I am terribly torn, do I wait, offer occasional support or offer constant, loving support to him?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I understand your disappointment because time is a factor here and, of course, the unknown. Offer support, but find a balance. You don't want him to think you're pleading a case for being together. You wrote this: "All I want is happiness and for him to be happy, and I'll do whatever it takes to find that." Okay, I agree with that plan. In a reasonable amount of time (and you''ll know when that is), you'll be able to see which direction this is taking and, then, you can make plans accordingly.
