Dear Miss Emily:

I'm not able to communicate with my boyfriend.  We have been together for 2 years now.  Yes, he's always had this issue so its not like I didnt know about it however, now that we are in the middle of a serious relationship, it bothers me.
Example:  I walked in the room tonight and he quickly backed out of whatever he was doing on his phone.  I asked him if everything is ok with us to try and begin talking about what I was feeling.  He responded by asking me why I would ask that.  I told him that the fact that he backed out of his phone when I walked in the room seemed sneaky.  He instantly began telling me that Im childish, tossed the phone at me, and told me to go ahead and check it out myself.  He also said that if he wants to go f*ck someone else he'll make sure to tell me.  I appreciate his honesty however, I dont feel that he should respond with all of this.  It makes the situation worse. Anytime that I have a question that shows a tad of insecurity (which we all have) he blows up at me, calls me names, and turns the issue to me and how Im the childish one.  Keep in mind that Im not raising my voice. I'm not sure what to do.  Any advice will be helpful.  Thanks!

----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------

It's hard to say if he was finished with his cell phone activity, didn't want you to see what he was writing, or ended it because he wanted to give you his full attention (that's unlikely, right?) Whatever the reason, you can't really know because he wasn't forthcoming. But I do understand why you thought he might be hiding something. Lack of communication is the major cause of doomed, quality relationships (and cheating, of course). You handled it from an emotional, albeit, mild manner way -- and that's good. He sees it as a trust issue "you don't trust me," but when he shuts down his phone when you enter the room, it's easy to surmise he's up to something. His reaction was aggressive, and punitive. In other words -- if I get angry and throw the phone at her, she'll stop interrogating me -- and now it's not a problem with my lack of ability to kindly explain what actually happened, but her problem because I've painted her as a paranoid two year-old who is irrational. He's off the hook! Unless you are an insecure woman who questions why he locks the door when he goes to the bathroom, or expects him to call you when he's reached his destination so you can talk to the people he's with -- in order to make sure he didn't lie about the people he's with -- you have a big problem with him, and it needs to be addressed before you get any more "serious" about this relationship. Your concerns about why he shut down his phone may be completely off-base, but his knee-jerk reaction was the true childish behavior, and he's delusional if he thinks it isn't. If you and he can't figure out a way to open up the lines of communication to make the environment more comfortable, in order to increase the level if intimacy and trust, I'm afraid this relationship, no matter the high points, is destined to fail.