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Stringing Me Along?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 07/12/2010
- Relationships - Women
Hi Emily,
I started a new job 3 months ago, where I work with a 40-something-year-old man (I'm in my 30s). We got along really well from day one. One night we went out for drinks, and later that night we went back to his place, where we kissed, cuddled and indulged in good conversation all night. Since he didn't even try to sleep with me, and opted instead to share personal things about himself with me while cuddling me and stroking my hair, I got the impression that he genuinely liked me. However, back in the office the next day, he acted like it never happened. A month went by, and not being able to stand it anymore, I asked him out for coffee under the pretense that I had a work-related problem I needed his help with. Well, after tackling my "problem" together, he suggested we go to the beach. Being as pathetically infatuated as I am, I readily agreed. He ended up kissing and cuddling me again while we indulged in some more good conversation. However, he is again acting like it never happened, and I'm too confused to confront him about it. We work for different firms, so being in a relationship would not cause awkwardness at work. So what gives? I'd think someone of his age would be more mature than this. Why won't he commit, and why is he stringing me along like this? Thanks in advance. Sorry I sound like a troubled teenager!
------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------------------
I'm not sure he is stringing you along, only that he may be emotionally weak, and an insecure guy -- despite his outward persona. It's also possible he may have sexual problems, and that's why he stops short of taking you on -- or, let me think... there's a girlfriend you don't know about?! So please, don't internalize this and blame yourself. He may have some "issues" and we can't know for sure what they are -- but you don't want them to become your problem! He may not be "that into you" but for reasons that have nothing to do with you. That said, don't waste too much time worrying about it. If he's not forthcoming, nor chooses to pursue you, it's probably for the better. Trust me on this -- I've been there -- foolishly pushing to get what I thought I wanted, and regretted not heeding the red flags that were furiously waving across my face. "Be careful what you wish for!"
I started a new job 3 months ago, where I work with a 40-something-year-old man (I'm in my 30s). We got along really well from day one. One night we went out for drinks, and later that night we went back to his place, where we kissed, cuddled and indulged in good conversation all night. Since he didn't even try to sleep with me, and opted instead to share personal things about himself with me while cuddling me and stroking my hair, I got the impression that he genuinely liked me. However, back in the office the next day, he acted like it never happened. A month went by, and not being able to stand it anymore, I asked him out for coffee under the pretense that I had a work-related problem I needed his help with. Well, after tackling my "problem" together, he suggested we go to the beach. Being as pathetically infatuated as I am, I readily agreed. He ended up kissing and cuddling me again while we indulged in some more good conversation. However, he is again acting like it never happened, and I'm too confused to confront him about it. We work for different firms, so being in a relationship would not cause awkwardness at work. So what gives? I'd think someone of his age would be more mature than this. Why won't he commit, and why is he stringing me along like this? Thanks in advance. Sorry I sound like a troubled teenager!
------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------------------
I'm not sure he is stringing you along, only that he may be emotionally weak, and an insecure guy -- despite his outward persona. It's also possible he may have sexual problems, and that's why he stops short of taking you on -- or, let me think... there's a girlfriend you don't know about?! So please, don't internalize this and blame yourself. He may have some "issues" and we can't know for sure what they are -- but you don't want them to become your problem! He may not be "that into you" but for reasons that have nothing to do with you. That said, don't waste too much time worrying about it. If he's not forthcoming, nor chooses to pursue you, it's probably for the better. Trust me on this -- I've been there -- foolishly pushing to get what I thought I wanted, and regretted not heeding the red flags that were furiously waving across my face. "Be careful what you wish for!"
