Dear Miss Emily:

When we first started dating, a year and a half ago, he was still dating someone long-distance. I didn't find out about this till months later, and through facebook. He says he broke it off with her in April, and we started dating end of February. So there are already trust issues there...I recently took my boyfriend home to meet my family. Before we went, I asked him if he'd ever been to this city before. He said yes, he'd been there with his mom a few years ago. He said it very weird, so I knew he must be lying. I repeatedly asked him about it, and he kept lying. Finally, over a month later, he confessed that he'd been to my hometown with another ex girlfriend a few years back - not his mom. I can't believe he would lie SO many times, over something he says was insignificant. Now I don't know what to think, and I'm wondering how many other times he has lied to me now. I don't trust him, but I love him. He says he is sorry and will never lie to me again. What should I do?

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

 I simply do not like liars -- although I suspect a great number of the population agrees! As I've always said, lying is coercive. The liar manipulates the person to accommodate his (or her) selfish, and gutless frame of mind. The person being lied to bases her (or his) beliefs, or actions, from that lie. I like people who are truth tellers, because it's not only the respectful, and respectable thing to do, it's so much easier to be honest -- however, the liar seldom sees that to be true. But you love him, and so I have to trust you have valid reasons for it (and maybe you can enlighten me on that in another e-mail). I would sit him down and tell him this: "I am not someone who will jump down your throat if you tell me the truth. I am a mature individual who won't punish you for what happened in your past, nor be angry for you expressing your true feelings. But what I will not abide, is being deceived because you can't stand behind what you have done, and how you honestly feel." Of course, you can modify this as to not sound like a ball-buster. Bottom line: Keep your eyes and ears open -- and if he lies, again, dump him so fast it will make his head swim.