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- Should She Stay?
Should She Stay?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 07/7/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 7 months so naturally we have been talking about marriage. In the past when we were together for about 8 months we were really rocky and have come a long way. In the past he was very critical of everything I did. Stuff that was not a big deal. He stopped doing that and we were good for a really long time. Recently (past 3 months) he has started being really critical again and having no patience. He tends to get mad over the smallest things and calls me names like stupid and idiot. I am at the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much and he is a great guy besides his lack of patience. I don't want to leave but at the same time I can't deal with him treating me in such a way. I know I need to talk to him but I don't know how to get my point across without him taking it as me nagging him. Please help. (27 year female, 37 year male).
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
You won't be (and I'm sure unfairly) considered a nag if you use of a few simple words: "You either stop your criticism, and impatience with me, or we will have to end our relationship." There's no other way to deal with it in my opinion. You can't marry a man, no matter your love for him, if he has anger issues and uses you as his "whipping boy." If he has frustration in his life, you cannot be a place to vent that frustration, but rather a go-to person to help ease his troubled mind because he cherishes you, respects you and values your support. And you can't support someone who knocks you down as a way to ease his mind, or when he feels you just don't measure up to his standards. The fact that you fear looking like a nag, troubles me. He seems to have more power in the relationship (it could be the age difference), and you need to work at equalizing it. That said, all you have to do is make your point in a few choice words, and stick to your guns. There's should be no compromise in this, because what he is doing is unjust.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 7 months so naturally we have been talking about marriage. In the past when we were together for about 8 months we were really rocky and have come a long way. In the past he was very critical of everything I did. Stuff that was not a big deal. He stopped doing that and we were good for a really long time. Recently (past 3 months) he has started being really critical again and having no patience. He tends to get mad over the smallest things and calls me names like stupid and idiot. I am at the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much and he is a great guy besides his lack of patience. I don't want to leave but at the same time I can't deal with him treating me in such a way. I know I need to talk to him but I don't know how to get my point across without him taking it as me nagging him. Please help. (27 year female, 37 year male).
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
You won't be (and I'm sure unfairly) considered a nag if you use of a few simple words: "You either stop your criticism, and impatience with me, or we will have to end our relationship." There's no other way to deal with it in my opinion. You can't marry a man, no matter your love for him, if he has anger issues and uses you as his "whipping boy." If he has frustration in his life, you cannot be a place to vent that frustration, but rather a go-to person to help ease his troubled mind because he cherishes you, respects you and values your support. And you can't support someone who knocks you down as a way to ease his mind, or when he feels you just don't measure up to his standards. The fact that you fear looking like a nag, troubles me. He seems to have more power in the relationship (it could be the age difference), and you need to work at equalizing it. That said, all you have to do is make your point in a few choice words, and stick to your guns. There's should be no compromise in this, because what he is doing is unjust.
