Hi Emily,

 im 23yrs old. I met this guy early on this yr we had a one night stand then he kept bugging me afterward 4 a while then i brushed him off. Now about a month ago we began talking n i told him i wanted 2 get 2 kw him better be4 i slept wit him again. So we did n had a lovely date together n afterward we used 2 talk like everyday then all of a sudden he starts becoming a bit distant and then tells me he is not looking for a relationship and he is still getting over his ex. So we both agree 2 be friends with benefits but what surprises me is that he still calls me baby etc.. Oh n i forgot to say be4 he broke this news to me we talked of me going 2 his family house him, also visiting our farm. We were even planning a Christmas trip together. What does this mean, n did i do the right thing. I really like him n don't want to loose him. Please help me Emily.

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------

You don't really have him to lose! Friends With Benefits is based on a shallow endeavor. It only works if both participants like sex but have little to no emotional investment. But you really want this guy to be yours and, he tells you, essentially, he is still pining for his ex. He's interested in you, no doubt about it, but is he protecting himself in case his ex comes knocking? Whatever, there's that black cloud hanging over the relationship. I'm tempted to tell you, to tell him, "I really like you, but I've decided it's too much investment to end up being told 'it's been fun, but my ex and I are getting back together.'" The way I see it, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who was thinking about what got away, rather than what he sees before him.