Dear Miss Emily:

Recently I found out my ex-girlfriend of nearly 4 years has been dating my best friend for the last month. Our relationship ended about two months ago - I realize I did a lot of things to push her away during this time but she was the one who ultimately ended the relationship. I felt distant and upset by the situation and my communication with her suffered from it. Through talking to her, I found out the relationship had been occurring for about a month before my friend, who I work with, finally told me. We have mutual friends and during this period of silence, I was essentially the only one out of the loop. Making matters worse, although this had been set before they started dating, my ex-girlfriend will be living out the remainder of my friend's lease with him in his apartment for the next 2 months. Also, she was recently hired as a server within his second job. The entire experience has made me realize how much I still love her. It's difficult for me to accept the possibility of not having another chance with her. Obviously, I'm incredibly conflicted because it appears she's moved on altogether, but the circumstance it's with my best friend has seriously dowered everything. I'd hate to lose her from my life, entirely, but I currently have no contact with her. Any advice?

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------

The one who suffers, is the one left behind. You feel betrayed, on many fronts, but friends (other than your "best friend") keeping you out of the loop is pretty standard fare. No one wanted to be the one to "sucker punch" you, so to speak. There's not much you can do but lick your wounds and see how this plays out. The saying "The heart wants what the heart wants" is cruel when you're at the losing end, but to the people who stand to gain by it see themselves as innocents in the name of love. Sure they should have told you from the get-go, but cowardice often looms its ugly head in these cases, and it doesn't change the fact that they are together. It's going to take time for you to adjust to this new development, but you simply don't know what is going to come down the line. Don't let your jealousy, and ego-deflation rule the day. You and she had four years to get it right, and it appears things weren't going well enough to keep you two together. Perhaps one day you will find your way back to each other, but it would be wise to consider broadening your horizons, see the world as a less hostile, jaded place, and invite new people (women!) into your life. In the interim, keep your head held high, and harness the much needed "stiff upper lip" to get you by.