Emily:

I've been in a relationship for over 4 yrs with the same guy whom I have never fallen in love with. We live together and have since a few months after we met. I am not happy. He loves me dearly and I know it. I love him just not in the way I should. we've separated but he always finds a way to come back like sleeping outside in his van, showing up wherever i am at and including himself in the conversation, buying everyone I'm with drinks etc....We go to the same places all the time so we have mutual friends. Lately though he's been causing shows every time we go out together from throwing a tantrum to yelling and screaming at me in front of everyone about how he pays all the bills, rent, etc.... It's not true and everyone knows it because I have a job too. He gets drunk and makes a spectacle I try to give him his way just because I don't want to cause a scene but when I do that he makes more of a scene. All he needs to do now is actually throw himself on the floor and have a tantrum. He humiliates me but then conveniently forgets all this happened the next day and goes on as if nothing has happened. I am not someone who just keeps her mouth shut but try to when in public. I do need him around to help me financially as my hours were cut due to economy however I am so unhappy I don't know what to do. He is a good worker and has always been but he also is a functioning alcoholic. He is from Mexico and I am also Latin with Mexican roots, however I was born and raised in the United States and have a very different upbringing then he does. I am 42 and he is 35 going on 12. Please help!! There's so much more I just can't say it all right now. I also have grown children and he has none of his own.

-------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------

Plain and simply put -- you've got to get out. It troubles me that you describe a complete dependent man with a whopping case of arrested development (not to mention his drinking problem) and, then, tell me you need him to help you financially. In my opinion, I would rather live in a studio apartment and take on a second job than live in this hell. He's controlled you beyond belief, and you've allowed it  -- although it happens too often in relationships. He is emotionally weak -- although the odd paradox in this situation is that he has tremendous power over you. But that's what insecure people are capable of doing. Their weaknesses are laid at the feet of those who are willing to pick them up and compensate for them. Now that's power! Believe me, I've been there. But you aren't going to get this corrected unless you are willing to take a stand and decide if it's worth continuing in this miserable relationship, or end it. I know it's hard. But it's harder to live the life of an enabler, and end up hating yourself and him because it continues without a solution to free yourself.