Hi Emily,

I have some doubts with the 3 year relationship I have with my boyfriend. I should also mention that we have a 1 yr. old daughter and have been living together for about 1 yr. We have always seemed to have a good relationship but, lately, I've been seeing his "true colors." He's a good guy but he has a flaw of not being financially stable. We live with my father, who has helped us out a lot in the past year. My bf goes to school part time and works as well, he has always had a job but never a stable one. He always finds reason to leave the job. Recently he was given an opportunity to work at a prestigious institute where we live and he was so excited but after they mentioned that he would have to cut his hair short, he has been agasint the idea of working there. In the beginning, when the job was offered, there was a training portion which didn't allow him to continue working at another job so he left it, now he doesn't want to work at the new place so he's left looking for yet another job. He has been lazy on looking for a job and I end up having to pay for everything with the support of my father. My bf is a good and hard worker when he wants to be but right now I find him plan lazy with excuses. The reason about not wanting to cut his hair is because he doesn't want to conform, he doesn't want the system to "win"...which is understandable but there are times I believe sacrifices are important to make. I wish I could bring this issue up in a conversation between us but he always takes things personally and the wrong way. I feel like this relationship hurts me more than a helps me, what advice can you give me?

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

Despite your reluctance to lay it on the line with a guy who thinks he doesn't have to conform (good in theory, pathetic in reality), you have enabled him to get away with an attitude that's offensive because of his lack of responsibility associated with it. No matter his convenient take on societal demands, he has responsibilities to you, his child, and your dad! Although you and he are not married, his living off you and the generous support of your father should strike a note of embarrassment within him -- however, it hasn't seemed to cross his iconoclastic mindset. I would tell him this: "You have every right to conduct your life the way you see fit, but you do not have the right to expect me and my dad to support your inflexible demands for accepting gainful employment. I love you, but I am tired of an attitude that benefits you and leaves me and my dad holding the bag." If you can't say this (you can water it down to suit your courage level), you are complicit in the way he chooses to live his life, and you can only hope the situation changes for the better.