FOLLOW UP TO PREVIOUS LETTER:

Dear Miss Emily:

Thank you and i want to tell you that we have talked everything out to be honest he does not know that i know that he has decided to get a ring,.if he does we wouldn't get married for a long time. He's looking at as an engagement ring and I'm looking at it as more as a promise ring i guess. I know teen relationships don't last that often but I'd been with him a little over a year and I've never thought about somebody as much as I do him, and I've never been happy like I am now. We've made plans and i want them to happen i really do, but how do i tell him that yes i want to marry him someday, but i only want the ring to be a promise ring, and later on turn into an engagement ring? Or do I just say yes I want to marry, but after collage and not say anything about the ring being a promise ring?

------------------------Miss Emily's additional advice---------------------

This is the kind of test you and he are going to have in this relationship -- and it centers on honesty. I think it's a mistake to mislead as a way of not hurting someone's feelings. If you think you want to spend your life with this guy, it's best to keep those lines of communication open. Because, if you don't, you're pretty much going along with a lie -- it's an engagement ring to him -- it's a promise ring to you -- and you will feel uncomfortable if it's brought up with family and friends and the explanation around it. Although it's a type of commitment -- one has a more serious connotation. I understand why you want it to be less demonstrative than an engagement ring -- especially at this age. This could be an awfully long engagement if you plan college and want to wait until it's over to marry. Again, the best way to handle this is to be straight with him. Now, all that said, if this didn't go the way you plan it -- if you and he (God forbid) decided to go your separate ways, whether it be a promise ring, or an engagement ring, the end result would be the same.