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Teens Taking A Break From Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 06/23/2010
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been in a relationship for a year and a half and, all-in-all, it has gone pretty well. I am 17 years of age (so is she) and this is my first girlfriend. I truly love her, and she loves me as well. Recently, she has been acting sort of strange. I treat her really good and she just hasn't been treating me great essentially. Then one night she talked a lot about wanting to break up just because she is so busy this summer with an internship with a modeling agency and stuff like that. We talked alot about it and we decided we should just go on a break. I want it so that she can appreciate me and miss me basically, and she wants it so she can focus on her friends and her internship. This was last week. We still small talked daily, and i was thinking about asking her out and telling her I will still give her space but she said we have talked too much and she hasn't even had time to miss me yet. Because we talk, and its only been a week, etc. I understand completely so at this point, i just don't think i should even communicate with her or see her. But it is really hard. I understand we kind of got into a routine and so our relationship got a little boring, but i already have great plans to spice things up, take her on some surprise dates that i know she will love, etc. She said she wants to go out with me on the other side of this break for sure but she just wants to know what its like to be single in high school. I totally get it and she isnt the type of girl who would go on a break so that she could hook up with other guys or anything like that. I know her interests are just freedom and focusing on other things. I just wish she could focus on those things and still date me and dont understand why she cant. How should i go about this break? Should i not communicate with her at all? And i want to surprise her in a couple weeks and tell her how i dont need her in my life, but i want her in my life. And that i love her. No matter how the next couple of weeks go. So should i do that? Or should i wait until she decides to communicate with me? I really think she will start to miss me even after this second week coming up. But i dont want to wait around forever because i have fun plans for us and our relationship this summer. I know her motives arent other guys and i know i am the love of her life right now. So how should i go about the break, and getting back with her?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You're so sweet! If I were 17, again, she'd have fight on her hands. I understand how you feel, and it's lousy. This kind of thing often happens before a couple is headed off to college -- but I suspect that's not for a year with you and her. Don't talk every day, she knows how you feel. I can't imagine she will think you've lost interest in her if you give her this space. I am sure you have e-mail, and you can send her one or two to let her know you are thinking about her. I do see why she wants to give her full attention to what she is doing this summer, but the fact that she said she wanted to know what it's like to be single in high school is a bit of a red flag. I know you fear she will like this break too much, and it will lead to a final break-up. And that could happen. But you won't win her back into a full-time relationship by not honoring her wishes, or putting yourself in a demeaning, pitiful position. Show her you are a mature, emotionally secure guy who respects her wishes -- and if time is what she needs, time is what you will give her. If, after these next few weeks her attitude remains the same, ask her for an honest discussion about her feelings and let me know what happens, please.
I have been in a relationship for a year and a half and, all-in-all, it has gone pretty well. I am 17 years of age (so is she) and this is my first girlfriend. I truly love her, and she loves me as well. Recently, she has been acting sort of strange. I treat her really good and she just hasn't been treating me great essentially. Then one night she talked a lot about wanting to break up just because she is so busy this summer with an internship with a modeling agency and stuff like that. We talked alot about it and we decided we should just go on a break. I want it so that she can appreciate me and miss me basically, and she wants it so she can focus on her friends and her internship. This was last week. We still small talked daily, and i was thinking about asking her out and telling her I will still give her space but she said we have talked too much and she hasn't even had time to miss me yet. Because we talk, and its only been a week, etc. I understand completely so at this point, i just don't think i should even communicate with her or see her. But it is really hard. I understand we kind of got into a routine and so our relationship got a little boring, but i already have great plans to spice things up, take her on some surprise dates that i know she will love, etc. She said she wants to go out with me on the other side of this break for sure but she just wants to know what its like to be single in high school. I totally get it and she isnt the type of girl who would go on a break so that she could hook up with other guys or anything like that. I know her interests are just freedom and focusing on other things. I just wish she could focus on those things and still date me and dont understand why she cant. How should i go about this break? Should i not communicate with her at all? And i want to surprise her in a couple weeks and tell her how i dont need her in my life, but i want her in my life. And that i love her. No matter how the next couple of weeks go. So should i do that? Or should i wait until she decides to communicate with me? I really think she will start to miss me even after this second week coming up. But i dont want to wait around forever because i have fun plans for us and our relationship this summer. I know her motives arent other guys and i know i am the love of her life right now. So how should i go about the break, and getting back with her?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You're so sweet! If I were 17, again, she'd have fight on her hands. I understand how you feel, and it's lousy. This kind of thing often happens before a couple is headed off to college -- but I suspect that's not for a year with you and her. Don't talk every day, she knows how you feel. I can't imagine she will think you've lost interest in her if you give her this space. I am sure you have e-mail, and you can send her one or two to let her know you are thinking about her. I do see why she wants to give her full attention to what she is doing this summer, but the fact that she said she wanted to know what it's like to be single in high school is a bit of a red flag. I know you fear she will like this break too much, and it will lead to a final break-up. And that could happen. But you won't win her back into a full-time relationship by not honoring her wishes, or putting yourself in a demeaning, pitiful position. Show her you are a mature, emotionally secure guy who respects her wishes -- and if time is what she needs, time is what you will give her. If, after these next few weeks her attitude remains the same, ask her for an honest discussion about her feelings and let me know what happens, please.
