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Parents Pulling the Strings
- By Miss Emily
- Published 06/22/2010
- Relationships - Men
My girlfriend and I broke up
recently we both met in college in Ireland and both just graduated this
year. My girlfriend is from America and was planning to do a master's degree in
Ireland after we graduated. Her parents told her she had to come home
for the summer because her grandmother was sick and we said we would
keep the relationship going and we would see each other soon. She was
back about a week when she broke up with me. She than rang me the other
day to tell me that the reason she was brought home was so her parents
could convince us to break up. Her parents have taken complete control of her
life now and are forcing her to do a different
masters in the US. The thing is my girlfriend does not see that her
parents are being completely controlling and she is basically just going
along with what they say. The worst part is my girlfriend is 22 her
mother still hits her. About 2 years ago her mother threw her down a
stairs. What should I do her mother seems to have this control over
her and I am really concerned that she is being forced into something
she doesn't want to do. She says she still loves me but is not allowed
back. It's as if she is a prisoner.
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
This is, indeed, a terrible situation. You feel helpless being left in Ireland and, now, knowing she's not coming back your heart is broken. It doesn't get much worse than that in the love department. But what can you do? I would assume she's being financed by her parents and, as long as she is dependent on them for support, she is more inclined to do what they say. Her parents were deceitful in the worst way, and proved they have little respect for their daughter. The fact that her mother is, in my opinion, abusive would suggest that your girlfriend is under some kind of manipulation and control -- I agree. But, again, she is dependent on them, and her only recourse would be to sever ties and go back to Ireland to be with you -- risking complete alienation from them or spark WW III. But I don't think she'll choose that route and, although painful, you're just going to have to see how this plays out. Keep in contact with her and do not pressure her as they have done. She needs to see you as a best friend who is there for her and not pushing her into feeling even more pressured and controlled. I know this is not what you and she had initially planned, but the fact that she is going along with this new direction makes me think the options in the United States also seem reasonable to her and worth a try.
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
This is, indeed, a terrible situation. You feel helpless being left in Ireland and, now, knowing she's not coming back your heart is broken. It doesn't get much worse than that in the love department. But what can you do? I would assume she's being financed by her parents and, as long as she is dependent on them for support, she is more inclined to do what they say. Her parents were deceitful in the worst way, and proved they have little respect for their daughter. The fact that her mother is, in my opinion, abusive would suggest that your girlfriend is under some kind of manipulation and control -- I agree. But, again, she is dependent on them, and her only recourse would be to sever ties and go back to Ireland to be with you -- risking complete alienation from them or spark WW III. But I don't think she'll choose that route and, although painful, you're just going to have to see how this plays out. Keep in contact with her and do not pressure her as they have done. She needs to see you as a best friend who is there for her and not pushing her into feeling even more pressured and controlled. I know this is not what you and she had initially planned, but the fact that she is going along with this new direction makes me think the options in the United States also seem reasonable to her and worth a try.
