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Second-class Citizen Relationship Status
- By Miss Emily
- Published 06/20/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
We dated for a year then asked her to marry me . she said "no" but said i could move in to her house. I lived with her for 3 years, then she told me to move out because i am not the one She gave me a month but i moved out to a friend's place right away. She is 35 i am 38 .I still want to be with her. She has not told her parent that i have been living there for 3 years and not told some of her coworkers either. That hurt me a lot. Why does she hide me from these people?. She said that she is not happy and she want me to find someone that loves me as much as i love her. I don't think there is someone else but she does have some guy friend call sometimes . Four years! Don't you think she would have known that she didn't want me to be with her forever? I loved her a lot and gave her everthing she wanted. I tried the no contact but she called me to thank me for something i did and asked me where i am staying and if i told my parents, and if they hate her. She worries too much about what other people think .. just like she never told people about me, she is worried what they will think. She never wanted intercourse -- all we ever did is oral sex. She was afraid of sex but i loved her so i didnt push this on her -- a little at the beginning, that's all..I told her to go to doctors to tell them, but she never did . Maybe she just didnt want to do it with me. I am no angel, either, but i was alway honest with her. I know she has a lot of problems, but she has been in my life for a long time. Will she ever come back?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I can't tell you if she'll ever come back to you but, as it stands, you shouldn't want it. So much of the relationship seemed grossly inadequate, and you truly believe it was you who did most of the giving. You didn't mention your background -- why you would accept being treated like a second-class citizen -- but I think it's time to take a look at that -- however, you have to agree with me in order to move forward. She called you to see if your parents thought badly of her, yet she never told her parents you lived with her nor included you in anything to do with her co-workers -- what's wrong with this picture? You've gotten so used to accepting a subservient position, it seemed somewhat normal to you before she kicked you out. She has an issue with sex, that's for sure and, although she has every right to want what she wants -- oral sex, only, seems to be a way of preventing intimacy. But that's her problem, not yours and, painful as it is, it's time to accept what has happened and, for your own sense of well-being, move on -- like she has done.
We dated for a year then asked her to marry me . she said "no" but said i could move in to her house. I lived with her for 3 years, then she told me to move out because i am not the one She gave me a month but i moved out to a friend's place right away. She is 35 i am 38 .I still want to be with her. She has not told her parent that i have been living there for 3 years and not told some of her coworkers either. That hurt me a lot. Why does she hide me from these people?. She said that she is not happy and she want me to find someone that loves me as much as i love her. I don't think there is someone else but she does have some guy friend call sometimes . Four years! Don't you think she would have known that she didn't want me to be with her forever? I loved her a lot and gave her everthing she wanted. I tried the no contact but she called me to thank me for something i did and asked me where i am staying and if i told my parents, and if they hate her. She worries too much about what other people think .. just like she never told people about me, she is worried what they will think. She never wanted intercourse -- all we ever did is oral sex. She was afraid of sex but i loved her so i didnt push this on her -- a little at the beginning, that's all..I told her to go to doctors to tell them, but she never did . Maybe she just didnt want to do it with me. I am no angel, either, but i was alway honest with her. I know she has a lot of problems, but she has been in my life for a long time. Will she ever come back?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I can't tell you if she'll ever come back to you but, as it stands, you shouldn't want it. So much of the relationship seemed grossly inadequate, and you truly believe it was you who did most of the giving. You didn't mention your background -- why you would accept being treated like a second-class citizen -- but I think it's time to take a look at that -- however, you have to agree with me in order to move forward. She called you to see if your parents thought badly of her, yet she never told her parents you lived with her nor included you in anything to do with her co-workers -- what's wrong with this picture? You've gotten so used to accepting a subservient position, it seemed somewhat normal to you before she kicked you out. She has an issue with sex, that's for sure and, although she has every right to want what she wants -- oral sex, only, seems to be a way of preventing intimacy. But that's her problem, not yours and, painful as it is, it's time to accept what has happened and, for your own sense of well-being, move on -- like she has done.
