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Afraid To Be In A Relationship?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 06/17/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm a 20 year old female and I'm so confused on what to think or do. I have known this guy for a year and a half now and we have been through a lot, with both of us being in car accidents putting us in the hospital and things like that. For the longest time he would tell me that he wanted to be with me, but I always told him no. I was too afraid to ruin our friendship with a relationship. Finally I realized i really cared about him and, when i told him that I really cared about him, he used my excuse that he didn't want to ruin our friendship. I called him out on it and then he said that we worked together and that could cause to many problems. Well, now we don't work together anymore. I tried bringing it up to him again and he had come up with a new excuse! He said he was crazy for wanting a relationship all that time. He never said that he didn't care about me, he just said that he didn't want a relationship that was all. I don't know what to do. I find myself waiting up for him to call just to hang out like he did when he thought he wanted a relationship. Sometimes he calls, sometimes he doesnt. What am i really supposed to think with all the different excuses he has given me.
-------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------------
This is always a rough situation. I get many letters with the same problem, and some of them about the girl or guy being afraid to mention his (or her) interest in a friend -- because of fearing it would ruin the relationship. In those cases, I usually suggest going for it, knowing that some of the best relationships are those that start out with a friendship, first. I also think that if a friendship is truly solid, it will survive despite the failure of a romantic relationship. It's an attitude adjustment, but it can be done. Of course, there are always going to be those that don't survive, no matter what. But in your case, you have talked to him about it, and it's all been on the up-and-up. To me, it seems as if this ship has sailed, at least for now. It's painful for you to have to realize it. I'm sure you are angry with yourself for not initially going for it, way back when -- however, you simply didn't feel that way, at the time, and it is a fact -- not something you can rearrange in your mind to fit how you feel, presently. Right now, he's keeping himself busy with other things, and so should you. Once he sees you've moved on from the idea of a relationship, maybe he will reconsider. Only time will tell on that one. Sometimes you just have to let go, and that's what you need to do, at times, to maintain your life's balance.
I'm a 20 year old female and I'm so confused on what to think or do. I have known this guy for a year and a half now and we have been through a lot, with both of us being in car accidents putting us in the hospital and things like that. For the longest time he would tell me that he wanted to be with me, but I always told him no. I was too afraid to ruin our friendship with a relationship. Finally I realized i really cared about him and, when i told him that I really cared about him, he used my excuse that he didn't want to ruin our friendship. I called him out on it and then he said that we worked together and that could cause to many problems. Well, now we don't work together anymore. I tried bringing it up to him again and he had come up with a new excuse! He said he was crazy for wanting a relationship all that time. He never said that he didn't care about me, he just said that he didn't want a relationship that was all. I don't know what to do. I find myself waiting up for him to call just to hang out like he did when he thought he wanted a relationship. Sometimes he calls, sometimes he doesnt. What am i really supposed to think with all the different excuses he has given me.
-------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------------
This is always a rough situation. I get many letters with the same problem, and some of them about the girl or guy being afraid to mention his (or her) interest in a friend -- because of fearing it would ruin the relationship. In those cases, I usually suggest going for it, knowing that some of the best relationships are those that start out with a friendship, first. I also think that if a friendship is truly solid, it will survive despite the failure of a romantic relationship. It's an attitude adjustment, but it can be done. Of course, there are always going to be those that don't survive, no matter what. But in your case, you have talked to him about it, and it's all been on the up-and-up. To me, it seems as if this ship has sailed, at least for now. It's painful for you to have to realize it. I'm sure you are angry with yourself for not initially going for it, way back when -- however, you simply didn't feel that way, at the time, and it is a fact -- not something you can rearrange in your mind to fit how you feel, presently. Right now, he's keeping himself busy with other things, and so should you. Once he sees you've moved on from the idea of a relationship, maybe he will reconsider. Only time will tell on that one. Sometimes you just have to let go, and that's what you need to do, at times, to maintain your life's balance.
