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- Should I Let Him Go?
Should I Let Him Go?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 06/10/2010
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily,
I'm a senior in high school and I recently turned 18. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half. He's 25. He is my first true love. I love him with everything in me and he feels the same. We have a very healthy relationship despite the difference in our ages. One day while we were lying in bed I remember telling him that I was holding him back. I don't know why I said it and I didn't really think about it, it just kind of came out. I don't think he ever really thought about it either because there was a pause before he told me I wasn't holding him back. But lately I've really been thinking about it and I realized, he's 25 and not getting any younger. It takes a while (it especially will for him) to realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I don't think I'm the girl he wants to marry and if I am, he would have to wait a long time before I'm ready to get married. But I feel like the longer I'm with him, the less time he has to be with the person he wants to marry. I don't think he ever really thought about it and I don't think he wants to get married at 35 or something. So my question is, should I break it off so that he can start seeing older women that he could potentially marry? And if so, when should I do it? He doesn't have a clue that I've been thinking about this and I don't want to just shock him either but I'm not sure how to hint it to him without it being really sudden. It's about to be summer and if I do it soon, I'm pretty sure both of our summers would be ruined and I wouldn't want to do that to him. But if I wait until before I go to college it will most likely affect my school work. I think either way its kind of a no win situation though because if I break up with him I'm going to be hurting for a long time and so will he but if I stay with him I'm going to feel as if I'm keeping him from actually potentially starting a life with!
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
You're very sweet, and I see you have analyzed this for quite a while now. But you give him little credit for being a big person who can make up his mind whether he wants to stay in this relationship, or go. You have made 25 sound like 65, however and, from what I know, 25 is a time to enjoy life, make no plans for marriage until one finds the right person -- and that comes when it happens -- no age limit -- no one knocking at the door and saying "It's time you old fart!" Some of your concerns may be coming from the fear you have that you may wish to move on once you have entered college and the big, big world of the unknown. And that would be legitimate. But from where I see it, as long as you let him know that you are a big girl who can accept the fact that he may choose to move on one day (as well, you), take the pressure off this relationship, enjoy your summer together, and see what happens once you enter college. Don't force him out the door, needlessly, but let time solve these questions.
a wife and having kids some day. I know that he's nervous to get married and he's not ready right now. But it doesn't mean he shouldn't be dating women that are his age and he could end up marrying...its a long process that takes time and like I said he's not getting any younger. I'm just really conflicted and don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart but I feel like I should let him move on BECAUSE I love him..I would be doing it for him. But then again I don't want to break his heart either. And I know the best thing would be to discuss it with him but I wanted to get other advice first. And if he knows I've been thinking about this it might change things and I don't want that if I decide to stay with him... Please help me...I'm so confused...
I'm a senior in high school and I recently turned 18. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half. He's 25. He is my first true love. I love him with everything in me and he feels the same. We have a very healthy relationship despite the difference in our ages. One day while we were lying in bed I remember telling him that I was holding him back. I don't know why I said it and I didn't really think about it, it just kind of came out. I don't think he ever really thought about it either because there was a pause before he told me I wasn't holding him back. But lately I've really been thinking about it and I realized, he's 25 and not getting any younger. It takes a while (it especially will for him) to realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I don't think I'm the girl he wants to marry and if I am, he would have to wait a long time before I'm ready to get married. But I feel like the longer I'm with him, the less time he has to be with the person he wants to marry. I don't think he ever really thought about it and I don't think he wants to get married at 35 or something. So my question is, should I break it off so that he can start seeing older women that he could potentially marry? And if so, when should I do it? He doesn't have a clue that I've been thinking about this and I don't want to just shock him either but I'm not sure how to hint it to him without it being really sudden. It's about to be summer and if I do it soon, I'm pretty sure both of our summers would be ruined and I wouldn't want to do that to him. But if I wait until before I go to college it will most likely affect my school work. I think either way its kind of a no win situation though because if I break up with him I'm going to be hurting for a long time and so will he but if I stay with him I'm going to feel as if I'm keeping him from actually potentially starting a life with!
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
You're very sweet, and I see you have analyzed this for quite a while now. But you give him little credit for being a big person who can make up his mind whether he wants to stay in this relationship, or go. You have made 25 sound like 65, however and, from what I know, 25 is a time to enjoy life, make no plans for marriage until one finds the right person -- and that comes when it happens -- no age limit -- no one knocking at the door and saying "It's time you old fart!" Some of your concerns may be coming from the fear you have that you may wish to move on once you have entered college and the big, big world of the unknown. And that would be legitimate. But from where I see it, as long as you let him know that you are a big girl who can accept the fact that he may choose to move on one day (as well, you), take the pressure off this relationship, enjoy your summer together, and see what happens once you enter college. Don't force him out the door, needlessly, but let time solve these questions.
a wife and having kids some day. I know that he's nervous to get married and he's not ready right now. But it doesn't mean he shouldn't be dating women that are his age and he could end up marrying...its a long process that takes time and like I said he's not getting any younger. I'm just really conflicted and don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart but I feel like I should let him move on BECAUSE I love him..I would be doing it for him. But then again I don't want to break his heart either. And I know the best thing would be to discuss it with him but I wanted to get other advice first. And if he knows I've been thinking about this it might change things and I don't want that if I decide to stay with him... Please help me...I'm so confused...
