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Fiancee Trust Issues
- By Miss Emily
- Published 06/4/2010
- Relationships - Men
Hi Emily,
Thank you for taking the time to read this. My fiancee and i have been together almost four years. We share a very close bond with each other and really connect on all levels. the problem started about 3.5 years ago I walked out of a job due to personal differences and was at home. after being at home for a few months, i started chatting on the net to other woman. I was not looking for anything other than just chatting to pass the day until my fiancee came home. my fiancee was suspicious and confronted me, and i lied to her as i was ashamed of what i had done. about a week later she found out. I came clean and explained everything to her, we went for help and I realised that because of my low self esteem, i sought attention to validate my ego. needless to say since then I have not gone back there as i realised the value of my relationship and I would never compromise that for anything. Since then my fiancee has found it hard to trust me, and only on suspision we would have arguments. Sometimes these arguments would get very heated and on 2 occations i slapped her, one was in retaliation. she has left based on this obsession 7 times in the past and only to return because she realised that i was doing nothing wrong. She has once again left, we had this huge argument and admittantly she is still back at what happend 3.5 years ago. We argue about nothing else other than this. We have a deep love for each other and i am concerned that her anger does not allow her to see the way forward to overcoming these issues. I love her deeply and I just need to know what i can do for her to be given the tools to want to change the situation. I just dont understand the current anger as i have done nothing to trigger it. Please i really need some guidance. Thank you.
---------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------
Why aren't you and she trying to work this out in counseling? It is possible that she cannot let go of this, and will never be able to fully trust you again. You cannot marry anyone who does not trust you, nor someone who is not capable of putting the past behind. Slapping her is indicative of your anger and the frustration that is not being dealt with, but that is not, and I repeat, not acceptable behavior in any circumstance, my friend. Mutually decide to work this out through couples counseling, but if that is not available to you, tell her, calmly, she must put this issue to rest once and for all, or you are making the tough decision to break up, permanently, rather than continue this absurd state of limbo. It's unhealthy for both of you, and only serves to prolong the enevitable.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. My fiancee and i have been together almost four years. We share a very close bond with each other and really connect on all levels. the problem started about 3.5 years ago I walked out of a job due to personal differences and was at home. after being at home for a few months, i started chatting on the net to other woman. I was not looking for anything other than just chatting to pass the day until my fiancee came home. my fiancee was suspicious and confronted me, and i lied to her as i was ashamed of what i had done. about a week later she found out. I came clean and explained everything to her, we went for help and I realised that because of my low self esteem, i sought attention to validate my ego. needless to say since then I have not gone back there as i realised the value of my relationship and I would never compromise that for anything. Since then my fiancee has found it hard to trust me, and only on suspision we would have arguments. Sometimes these arguments would get very heated and on 2 occations i slapped her, one was in retaliation. she has left based on this obsession 7 times in the past and only to return because she realised that i was doing nothing wrong. She has once again left, we had this huge argument and admittantly she is still back at what happend 3.5 years ago. We argue about nothing else other than this. We have a deep love for each other and i am concerned that her anger does not allow her to see the way forward to overcoming these issues. I love her deeply and I just need to know what i can do for her to be given the tools to want to change the situation. I just dont understand the current anger as i have done nothing to trigger it. Please i really need some guidance. Thank you.
---------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------
Why aren't you and she trying to work this out in counseling? It is possible that she cannot let go of this, and will never be able to fully trust you again. You cannot marry anyone who does not trust you, nor someone who is not capable of putting the past behind. Slapping her is indicative of your anger and the frustration that is not being dealt with, but that is not, and I repeat, not acceptable behavior in any circumstance, my friend. Mutually decide to work this out through couples counseling, but if that is not available to you, tell her, calmly, she must put this issue to rest once and for all, or you are making the tough decision to break up, permanently, rather than continue this absurd state of limbo. It's unhealthy for both of you, and only serves to prolong the enevitable.
