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Great Woman, But No Physical Attraction
- By Miss Emily
- Published 06/1/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been living with my girlfriend for the last 4 years and everything is fine and dandy. She is smart, caring, generous, honest and loving. Everything a guy could ask for in a girl. The problem is that I am not attracted to her physically. In the past Ive tried to tell myself that looks will fade, everyone gets old and wrinkly and that the most important thing is connecting on a mental level. Despite this, I am constantly drawn to other women who I find more sexually attractive. Looks play a bigger part for men that for woman when it comes to choosing a partner. Am I being a typical male, or I am being a cruel shallow idiot to consider ending a relationship based on physical attractiveness.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
I'm not sure you are correct in your assessment that looks play a bigger part in choosing a mate than it would for a women. Every individual has a set of values based on any number of reasons and it really is up to who is doing the choosing. For me, the attraction always came from the intelligence the person had, and the physical attraction, therefore, followed. But for you, this is not the case. I want to tell you, hey, don't be so shallow -- what she has is far greater, and worth more than a great body or whatever it is that you think is missing. But, bottom line, you can't spend a lifetime with someone with whom you have to bite your tongue before you have sex, and pretend to enjoy it because she is the smartest, most caring, generous person you know. Her characteristics could be a description of your sister! Only you know what you want, and what you can accept long term. You'll never have it all, but you will need to look at the person you love and want to be with them in all ways, and that would mean in the bedroom, as well.
I have been living with my girlfriend for the last 4 years and everything is fine and dandy. She is smart, caring, generous, honest and loving. Everything a guy could ask for in a girl. The problem is that I am not attracted to her physically. In the past Ive tried to tell myself that looks will fade, everyone gets old and wrinkly and that the most important thing is connecting on a mental level. Despite this, I am constantly drawn to other women who I find more sexually attractive. Looks play a bigger part for men that for woman when it comes to choosing a partner. Am I being a typical male, or I am being a cruel shallow idiot to consider ending a relationship based on physical attractiveness.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
I'm not sure you are correct in your assessment that looks play a bigger part in choosing a mate than it would for a women. Every individual has a set of values based on any number of reasons and it really is up to who is doing the choosing. For me, the attraction always came from the intelligence the person had, and the physical attraction, therefore, followed. But for you, this is not the case. I want to tell you, hey, don't be so shallow -- what she has is far greater, and worth more than a great body or whatever it is that you think is missing. But, bottom line, you can't spend a lifetime with someone with whom you have to bite your tongue before you have sex, and pretend to enjoy it because she is the smartest, most caring, generous person you know. Her characteristics could be a description of your sister! Only you know what you want, and what you can accept long term. You'll never have it all, but you will need to look at the person you love and want to be with them in all ways, and that would mean in the bedroom, as well.
