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Too Need To Make It Work?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 06/1/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months, and known her for a little less than a year. Recently, i feel like I'm up all night trying to help her with her self esteem. Sometimes, her problems seem so small to keep me up for so much late hours, like feeling fat. Whenever I show any sign of frustration, for example, tell her some people have it worse, she breaks down! Crying for long I just cant handle the stress Basically, I think, no, I know I'm not doing anything wrong, yet I feel so horrible and get stressed out trying to make her feel better about herself everyday!!! It's ridiculous. It's unfair Is she just pretending to be down for my sympathy? Is she looking for attention? Who is wrong here...should I keep staying up all night trying, in vain, to help her with these endless streams of small problems everyone has? I'm supposed to always be there, right?
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
No, you shouldn't be staying up all night, and no you do not have to be there for her if her demands are unreasonable. And from what you have said, they are. Because I don't know her, I cannot tell where the source of her insecurity lies, but she is horribly insecure, and she apparently needs to be placated more than is rationally reasonable. You can't feel guilty about this -- you've been incredibly understanding. But you have needs, as well, and one of them is a good night's sleep. Decide whether you want to be a parent and an enabler, or a boyfriend who can sit her down and say, "Here's the deal: You know I care for you and have showed it in countless ways, but there are some areas in which I feel helpless, and put upon because this relationship, at times, seems to be a one-way street." Ask her how she thinks you and she can remedy the situation and come to an understanding. If she goes ballistic, then you've got to decide how much more you can take her incessant neediness. It's been called the "hollow-leg syndrome" because it can never be filled. Be firm with her if you have any self-respect because, if you aren't, this will persist until it drives you crazy, or you finally have the good sense to walk away.
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months, and known her for a little less than a year. Recently, i feel like I'm up all night trying to help her with her self esteem. Sometimes, her problems seem so small to keep me up for so much late hours, like feeling fat. Whenever I show any sign of frustration, for example, tell her some people have it worse, she breaks down! Crying for long I just cant handle the stress Basically, I think, no, I know I'm not doing anything wrong, yet I feel so horrible and get stressed out trying to make her feel better about herself everyday!!! It's ridiculous. It's unfair Is she just pretending to be down for my sympathy? Is she looking for attention? Who is wrong here...should I keep staying up all night trying, in vain, to help her with these endless streams of small problems everyone has? I'm supposed to always be there, right?
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
No, you shouldn't be staying up all night, and no you do not have to be there for her if her demands are unreasonable. And from what you have said, they are. Because I don't know her, I cannot tell where the source of her insecurity lies, but she is horribly insecure, and she apparently needs to be placated more than is rationally reasonable. You can't feel guilty about this -- you've been incredibly understanding. But you have needs, as well, and one of them is a good night's sleep. Decide whether you want to be a parent and an enabler, or a boyfriend who can sit her down and say, "Here's the deal: You know I care for you and have showed it in countless ways, but there are some areas in which I feel helpless, and put upon because this relationship, at times, seems to be a one-way street." Ask her how she thinks you and she can remedy the situation and come to an understanding. If she goes ballistic, then you've got to decide how much more you can take her incessant neediness. It's been called the "hollow-leg syndrome" because it can never be filled. Be firm with her if you have any self-respect because, if you aren't, this will persist until it drives you crazy, or you finally have the good sense to walk away.
