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Money Or Love?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 05/28/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
My girlfriend and I are great, we have a great relationship, and we are partners in everything... except in business. Here's the thing: We have this buy and sell thing going on, it started out great, and it's doing great still. We just have problems raking in the money. Earlier, we got into this huge fight and I callously blurted out that we should never, EVER, do business with each other. Money could be a potential reason for a breakup, and I definitely do not want that. She's more important to me than money or business. Next came in the silent treatment. I said it because she lets our client pay less than what was agreed in the first place (the customer in this story is one of her closest friends and at the same time her workmate). Her friend would still pay the whole amount (it is in terms) but since he (the friend) deposited more than half, she lets him pay less this month than what was agreed at the onset of the transaction. This has been going on since way back. She did not understood my point that it does not make it ok if her friend is slagging, because the terms was already formalized. So now she thinks I'm a heartless dude, the type Robin Hood despises for not caring enough for those who have little. And I think she's careless and lenient (but cute) about money. My point is that we have to separate ourselves and our friends in this, because it is business. It would not survive if we are not serious and committed. Did I do the right thing? Or should I have been more compassionate?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
If this were just one infraction, I would let it pass -- however, what you seem to be saying is that her desire to be charitable is stronger than her desire to run a successful business, and these acts of generosity will multiply. In that case, she has no business being in business, period. It is a touchy situation when a couple gets involved in a business together -- it's hard to not let emotions dictate, and it can lead to the break-up you fear. I think the only way you can remedy this (and she must be on board) is for you to handle the contractual terms of all agreements made. If you choose to give a discounted rate to friends, let the terms be known upfront and adhere to them. It reminds me of that bumper sticker "This car runs on gas, not friendship." A person can go to the poor house being the "nice guy." And then there's that old Sesame Street bit where Grover has a full basket at the grocery store and, because of it, he endlessly lets everyone behind him with fewer items go in front of him. A darling way of telling children to be kind, but not at the their expense. You need to sit down with her and hash this out. And if you can't do it together, seek a third party (perhaps a couples counselor) to shed light on this problem and aid you and her to coming to an agreement. This isn't worth breaking up over, because I see you love her deeply. But if she wants to be a missionary, a volunteer, or a charity worker, there are plenty of people in her area that could use her services. However, you and she are running a business. There needs to be set rules on what is allowed to friends, and a commitment to follow through without any guilt. She may be "cute" about money, but don't condescend. Simply adhere to a business plan, be firm, or find a new partner in business.
My girlfriend and I are great, we have a great relationship, and we are partners in everything... except in business. Here's the thing: We have this buy and sell thing going on, it started out great, and it's doing great still. We just have problems raking in the money. Earlier, we got into this huge fight and I callously blurted out that we should never, EVER, do business with each other. Money could be a potential reason for a breakup, and I definitely do not want that. She's more important to me than money or business. Next came in the silent treatment. I said it because she lets our client pay less than what was agreed in the first place (the customer in this story is one of her closest friends and at the same time her workmate). Her friend would still pay the whole amount (it is in terms) but since he (the friend) deposited more than half, she lets him pay less this month than what was agreed at the onset of the transaction. This has been going on since way back. She did not understood my point that it does not make it ok if her friend is slagging, because the terms was already formalized. So now she thinks I'm a heartless dude, the type Robin Hood despises for not caring enough for those who have little. And I think she's careless and lenient (but cute) about money. My point is that we have to separate ourselves and our friends in this, because it is business. It would not survive if we are not serious and committed. Did I do the right thing? Or should I have been more compassionate?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
If this were just one infraction, I would let it pass -- however, what you seem to be saying is that her desire to be charitable is stronger than her desire to run a successful business, and these acts of generosity will multiply. In that case, she has no business being in business, period. It is a touchy situation when a couple gets involved in a business together -- it's hard to not let emotions dictate, and it can lead to the break-up you fear. I think the only way you can remedy this (and she must be on board) is for you to handle the contractual terms of all agreements made. If you choose to give a discounted rate to friends, let the terms be known upfront and adhere to them. It reminds me of that bumper sticker "This car runs on gas, not friendship." A person can go to the poor house being the "nice guy." And then there's that old Sesame Street bit where Grover has a full basket at the grocery store and, because of it, he endlessly lets everyone behind him with fewer items go in front of him. A darling way of telling children to be kind, but not at the their expense. You need to sit down with her and hash this out. And if you can't do it together, seek a third party (perhaps a couples counselor) to shed light on this problem and aid you and her to coming to an agreement. This isn't worth breaking up over, because I see you love her deeply. But if she wants to be a missionary, a volunteer, or a charity worker, there are plenty of people in her area that could use her services. However, you and she are running a business. There needs to be set rules on what is allowed to friends, and a commitment to follow through without any guilt. She may be "cute" about money, but don't condescend. Simply adhere to a business plan, be firm, or find a new partner in business.
