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She Wants Time Apart
- By Miss Emily
- Published 05/21/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I am a 21 yr old man. So my girlfriend of 3 years tells me that, although she loves me more than anything, she thinks we should take some time to just be "friends" because although she loves me and is attracted to me, she thinks that she is not as much in love with me as I am with her. She still wants to hang out and be friends, just until we get that spark back or so she can "find herself" and have alone time. I am confused and don't know what to do. How can I make this work? I love her more than anything. Thank you
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
How you make this work, if you can, is to give her the space she needs to see this through. You and she are 21, have spent the last three years together, and she is telling you she needs to know if this relationship is right for her at this time in her life. And the blunt truth is that she probably wants to date other men, and/or open herself up to new experiences on her own. I get many letters like this, and I pretty much say the same thing: Resist becoming resentful, and show her you understand -- but if a "friendship" type relationship isn't for you, make it known. This may not work out in your favor, but you can't make someone feel a certain way just by wishing it so. If you and she ever talked about "forever," you want to make sure it's right for you and her. It's painful, but matters of the heart often are. This is a time when you wish you'd been born a Vulcan, right? That said, it might be wise for you to open yourself up to new experiences, as well.
I am a 21 yr old man. So my girlfriend of 3 years tells me that, although she loves me more than anything, she thinks we should take some time to just be "friends" because although she loves me and is attracted to me, she thinks that she is not as much in love with me as I am with her. She still wants to hang out and be friends, just until we get that spark back or so she can "find herself" and have alone time. I am confused and don't know what to do. How can I make this work? I love her more than anything. Thank you
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
How you make this work, if you can, is to give her the space she needs to see this through. You and she are 21, have spent the last three years together, and she is telling you she needs to know if this relationship is right for her at this time in her life. And the blunt truth is that she probably wants to date other men, and/or open herself up to new experiences on her own. I get many letters like this, and I pretty much say the same thing: Resist becoming resentful, and show her you understand -- but if a "friendship" type relationship isn't for you, make it known. This may not work out in your favor, but you can't make someone feel a certain way just by wishing it so. If you and she ever talked about "forever," you want to make sure it's right for you and her. It's painful, but matters of the heart often are. This is a time when you wish you'd been born a Vulcan, right? That said, it might be wise for you to open yourself up to new experiences, as well.
