Dear Miss Emily:

I'm 33 years old, and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years –  so far so good. We have a strong relation but it has deteriorated during these last months. I have moved from my country (France), 5 years ago, and I live now in Holland (I'm not very fond of this country) but when I left France, I didn’t have a job, and I sort of escaped from a difficult family. I found a well paying job as a translator, but the trouble is, my contract ends next April 2008. Moving back to France means, for me, welcome back to the world of unemployment. That's why I hesitate. Everything seems normal on the surface, but I now suffer from severe homesickness.  I miss my French culture.  Dutch people are so different, and the culture makes it hard to adapt.  And now I have a troubled love affair, my man is a P C addict, and lives in his own world more and more,  and shuts himself off. We have had numerous arguments due to the fact he refuses to move to France with me, because he can’t leave his beloved friends.  It’s been more than a year, we hardly have any sex, and. I miss more and more my parents whom I'm very close (we are a very modest family).  I have a long history of family troubles.  My godparents have destroyed connections because of inheritance stories( all they want is my grandma's money).  I have lived all my life between 2 sides( my dad got cancer due to this heavy stress) the good, the bad and the ugly.  It's been now 2 years since we have cut communications with my godparents and their daughter.  Quite heavy.  I have dealt with it when I was abroad.  I lost a cousin from MS.  It was so hard, when I came to France on holidays, to see her tombstone.  Now I'm scared to lose my parents when I live so far away.  I really want to start another life in my country, speaking my language, a life I didn’t escape when things were so gloomy.  I’m not scared of going back there anymore, but am I making the right choice? I'm quite a strong person but I’m worried  that I'm ignoring my true feelings for fear of drastic changes. 2008 should be positive.  I  don’t have anyone to talk to as I live in a small village in the middle of nowhere. I'm waiting for your thoughts on this.  Thank you for at least having taken the time for reading  me.
In limbo

-------------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------


Dear In limbo:

The place you call home is a place where you feel loved and have a bond with your surroundings. You feel none of this in the Netherlands.  It seems to me that you are at a crossroads in your life and certain circumstances cry out to you, now, to start shifting gears and make new plans for your future.  If the reasons you have given me still have you wondering whether moving back home is the right thing to do, what would it take?  The United States invading Holland?  Kidding aside, the relationship with your boyfriend is stagnate, and he takes you for granted.  I can understand why he might not want to move to France, and leave his friends, but he neglects you and sees nothing wrong with it.  Family dynamics can create some of the most emotional traumas we will ever experience in our lives, but you are 33, now, and you say you are a strong person.  If this is so, learn to embrace the best your family has to offer and try to disregard some of the drama it represents.  You cannot change these people, but you have an affinity for them and want to be an active part of their lives.  This bond is extremely important to you.  If I were you, I would start looking for a job, in France, as soon as possible.  If your contract requires you to stay put until the end of March, do searching over the Internet, or let friends, in France, know that you are available after a certain date.  You’ve gotten yourself into a deep depression, and because of this you can only see  cloudy days with no sunshine in sight.  However, it’s time for you to set sail on a new course.  You are still young.  Don’t be afraid to make the necessary changes.  Once you realize that you are free to be the person you want to be, nothing can hold you back.  Unless of course, that “nothing” is you.  Best of luck, mon amie.