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- Trouble In Paradise
Trouble In Paradise
- By Miss Emily
- Published 05/12/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. In January, this year, he kissed another girl he knew. I had problems with her, he didnt tell me about it but, later, i found out from a friend. This resulted in him making me his 'friend' and it pushed me back so much from him -- yet i knew i wanted him, and we had a fairly sexual friendship before we got back together. We've been back together for 3 months, we argue constantly, and it seems to be "me" that causes the arguements. At the moment, I'm getting rather jealous of another close friendship he's having with another women from work -- we both work together. My boyfriend recieves a lot of texts from her and i dont agree with it. He has also started going on nights out where she will also attend, and I'm never invited. This also causes arguements. We have lost our communication and don't have as much fun as we used to. Also work has become more demanding of him, so i see him only twice a week -- and when i do see him, all i do is moan at him. I know this isn't fair to him, but when i see him i get annoyed and i dont know why. We spend all our time arguing. He tells me to finish him, but i can't! I know i want more from him than what we've had so far. How can i get back on track with him, or is it time to call it quits?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I'd only tell you to call it quits if you can't resolve these problems. Jealousy is a wasted emotion, as I tell all my advice seekers, because it doesn't solve problems. But only you can deduce if these relationships he has with other women are on the up-and-up. There's no reason you or he can't have friends of the opposite sex but, I think, in a committed relationship, you include your boyfriend or girlfriend in outings. If one is in a "casual" dating situation, there's no need to include that person. Decide what it is you want from the relationship and proceed from there. Fighting with him will only produce the result you fear the most -- that he will find someone else who won't fight with him, and seems a better match. Sit him down, lay out what you think are reasonable terms in your relationship with him, agree to them, and get on with your lives together. You can't force someone to see things your way, that person has to want to agree with you -- assuming your way is rational. Bottom line: If you can't work this out because both of you are not willing to make it work, it's time to move on.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. In January, this year, he kissed another girl he knew. I had problems with her, he didnt tell me about it but, later, i found out from a friend. This resulted in him making me his 'friend' and it pushed me back so much from him -- yet i knew i wanted him, and we had a fairly sexual friendship before we got back together. We've been back together for 3 months, we argue constantly, and it seems to be "me" that causes the arguements. At the moment, I'm getting rather jealous of another close friendship he's having with another women from work -- we both work together. My boyfriend recieves a lot of texts from her and i dont agree with it. He has also started going on nights out where she will also attend, and I'm never invited. This also causes arguements. We have lost our communication and don't have as much fun as we used to. Also work has become more demanding of him, so i see him only twice a week -- and when i do see him, all i do is moan at him. I know this isn't fair to him, but when i see him i get annoyed and i dont know why. We spend all our time arguing. He tells me to finish him, but i can't! I know i want more from him than what we've had so far. How can i get back on track with him, or is it time to call it quits?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I'd only tell you to call it quits if you can't resolve these problems. Jealousy is a wasted emotion, as I tell all my advice seekers, because it doesn't solve problems. But only you can deduce if these relationships he has with other women are on the up-and-up. There's no reason you or he can't have friends of the opposite sex but, I think, in a committed relationship, you include your boyfriend or girlfriend in outings. If one is in a "casual" dating situation, there's no need to include that person. Decide what it is you want from the relationship and proceed from there. Fighting with him will only produce the result you fear the most -- that he will find someone else who won't fight with him, and seems a better match. Sit him down, lay out what you think are reasonable terms in your relationship with him, agree to them, and get on with your lives together. You can't force someone to see things your way, that person has to want to agree with you -- assuming your way is rational. Bottom line: If you can't work this out because both of you are not willing to make it work, it's time to move on.
