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What Are My Chances With Her?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 05/11/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
Okay, so I am a 21/M and have recently gotten involved with a great girl of the same age. We have been hanging out pretty much every day for the past three weeks. The problem is that in the past week her ex boyfriend (of 5 years off and on) is trying to get her back. This guy treated her like crap while they dated, and cheated on her multiple times. The guy just graduated and is about to head back home to another state. He realizes now that she likes another guy so he is finally seeing what he has lost and is trying to get her back. I thought she was totally over him but about two nights ago she started acting standoffish toward me, not answering my calls or just keeping texts to short responses. I keep trying to get her to talk to me about it but she won't. I finally got her to talk for a minutes two nights ago and she claims she really likes me. She says that I am everything that he is not and got very emotional. She said she just isn't!
sure how she feels about him and she doesn't think that it fair to me. I agree it isn't fair but I extremely like this girl a lot and can get over it. So basically she just doesn't know what she wants and I don't know what to do about it. Should I set back and let her make the decision or intervene in some way? I like this girl so much and would do anything for here. The only reason she is listening to him is the fact that she is just so used to being with him that she can't let herself go, but knows that she should. What should I do?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You are not her parent, her protector, nor her knight-in-shining-armor, despite your sweet attempt to be all that. She has a history with this jerk, based on many reasons -- some are surely questionable -- but you cannot do any more than tell her to use her head, you'll back off until she figures out what she wants to do and, then, let her decide free of any further input. Sure, you and I know this guy will only do what he did before if she returns to him, but emotional attachment to someone is not always healthy -- no big revelation. If she goes back to him it would surely be a result of her feelings of inadequacy, and emotional issues of which you may not be aware. You cannot fix her, only she can do that. Sorry to be so blunt.
Okay, so I am a 21/M and have recently gotten involved with a great girl of the same age. We have been hanging out pretty much every day for the past three weeks. The problem is that in the past week her ex boyfriend (of 5 years off and on) is trying to get her back. This guy treated her like crap while they dated, and cheated on her multiple times. The guy just graduated and is about to head back home to another state. He realizes now that she likes another guy so he is finally seeing what he has lost and is trying to get her back. I thought she was totally over him but about two nights ago she started acting standoffish toward me, not answering my calls or just keeping texts to short responses. I keep trying to get her to talk to me about it but she won't. I finally got her to talk for a minutes two nights ago and she claims she really likes me. She says that I am everything that he is not and got very emotional. She said she just isn't!
sure how she feels about him and she doesn't think that it fair to me. I agree it isn't fair but I extremely like this girl a lot and can get over it. So basically she just doesn't know what she wants and I don't know what to do about it. Should I set back and let her make the decision or intervene in some way? I like this girl so much and would do anything for here. The only reason she is listening to him is the fact that she is just so used to being with him that she can't let herself go, but knows that she should. What should I do?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You are not her parent, her protector, nor her knight-in-shining-armor, despite your sweet attempt to be all that. She has a history with this jerk, based on many reasons -- some are surely questionable -- but you cannot do any more than tell her to use her head, you'll back off until she figures out what she wants to do and, then, let her decide free of any further input. Sure, you and I know this guy will only do what he did before if she returns to him, but emotional attachment to someone is not always healthy -- no big revelation. If she goes back to him it would surely be a result of her feelings of inadequacy, and emotional issues of which you may not be aware. You cannot fix her, only she can do that. Sorry to be so blunt.
