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Deeply Troubled Fiance With Sexual Abused Past
- By Miss Emily
- Published 05/11/2010
- Relationships - Women
Emily,
I have a problem with my boyfriend of 2 years. I recently found out that he has a unusual fetish and we are supposed to be married soon. When we first started dating he told me that he had a bad childhood of sexual physical abuse. These two people (a male and female) made him do things he did not want to do and would hurt him. They would dress him up like a girl and make him perform certain pleasures. He grew up thinking that all people have penises and never got any counseling or help. I've found trans-gender porn on our computer and also humility sites. This confuses me because I was sure he only liked women. He says his erotic fantasy is to be controlled and belittled and degraded and that turns him on more than anything. He says he is not gay and would never think about doing anything with a guy or girl for that matter. We talked about fulfilling this fantasy of his once but I got too scared it would tear us apart so we never acted on it. He says he will never hurt me like that again...as far as looking up porno and would definetly never cheat on me. He has the biggest heart ever and ALWAYS cares about my feelings and always talks to me about everything.
even though it makes him uncomfortable. He says that he is ashamed of it and wants no part of it but that it had become a stress reliever for him for some time now, but that he has learned to control himself better over the years. I'm just wondering if I should be worried....I think this would be the kind of thing that could get out of hand.......please help.
-------------------------------Ask Miss Emily-------------------------
Yes, I think you should be worried with a capital W! Although he seems genuine in many ways, if what he says is true (and how would you know for sure), this problem of his will not go away by wishing it so. He looks at you as his tether, a stabilizing force in his life -- but there is his dark side, and I don't think you will ever be able to completely lead him away from it. This man needs intense counseling and, without it, I see no hope of this life with him ever being free of doubt and conflict. Get honest about this, sweet one. Your fiance is a troubled man and, marrying him, soon, or at all, may be a ticket to misery and a lot of wasted money on a wedding.
I have a problem with my boyfriend of 2 years. I recently found out that he has a unusual fetish and we are supposed to be married soon. When we first started dating he told me that he had a bad childhood of sexual physical abuse. These two people (a male and female) made him do things he did not want to do and would hurt him. They would dress him up like a girl and make him perform certain pleasures. He grew up thinking that all people have penises and never got any counseling or help. I've found trans-gender porn on our computer and also humility sites. This confuses me because I was sure he only liked women. He says his erotic fantasy is to be controlled and belittled and degraded and that turns him on more than anything. He says he is not gay and would never think about doing anything with a guy or girl for that matter. We talked about fulfilling this fantasy of his once but I got too scared it would tear us apart so we never acted on it. He says he will never hurt me like that again...as far as looking up porno and would definetly never cheat on me. He has the biggest heart ever and ALWAYS cares about my feelings and always talks to me about everything.
even though it makes him uncomfortable. He says that he is ashamed of it and wants no part of it but that it had become a stress reliever for him for some time now, but that he has learned to control himself better over the years. I'm just wondering if I should be worried....I think this would be the kind of thing that could get out of hand.......please help.
-------------------------------Ask Miss Emily-------------------------
Yes, I think you should be worried with a capital W! Although he seems genuine in many ways, if what he says is true (and how would you know for sure), this problem of his will not go away by wishing it so. He looks at you as his tether, a stabilizing force in his life -- but there is his dark side, and I don't think you will ever be able to completely lead him away from it. This man needs intense counseling and, without it, I see no hope of this life with him ever being free of doubt and conflict. Get honest about this, sweet one. Your fiance is a troubled man and, marrying him, soon, or at all, may be a ticket to misery and a lot of wasted money on a wedding.
