Published on 03/8/2010
Dear Miss
Emily,
My best guy friend who I have known my whole life has just
told me he is starting to get feelings for me. I don't know what to do
considering I am in a relationship with someone right now. I've only
been in the relationship for two months. The beginning of it was good
but now he is starting to get mad at me more and more. We fight almost
everyday over my past, or when someone brings my past up. He gets mad at
me when I just talk to other guys. I told him I'm not one to cheat. I
feel like he just doesn't understand me sometimes. That's why I'm so
confused right now. My best friend brought up some good points too.
We both have known each other better than anyone else, and we know what
each other wants. I'm just worried he's confused because he's in a rough
spot, right now, and I'm one of the only people there for him. I don't
know if I should stay with the guy I'm with, or talk to my best friend.
Can you have a relationship with someone you have been best friends with your
whole life?
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
Your present boyfriend has no right, I repeat, NO RIGHT to bring up
your past. It's not only something you can't change, it's none of his
business. He is controlling, and his jealousy is a sign of insecurity, a
lack of maturity and an inability to trust. He can't punish you for his interest in you.
This is not the foundation for a good, lasting relationship. Lots of red
flags waving in my face, and
they should be unfurling for you
too! Now, your best friend. Being
friends with your partner is a necessity, in my book, to make a
relationship work. That said, a best friend does not always
translate into a great romantic relationship. But I believe that any
relationship has a fighting chance if there is a good deal in common, mutual respect,
and a willingness to work hard to get it right. I also believe (I've
had many letters on this subject) if a "relationship" with a best friend
does not end up to be the dream both parties hoped it would be, they
can rise above any awkwardness by admitting it was an experiment that
didn't pan out -- but the friendship remains because it was the basis
for why those two people got together in the first place.