Published on 03/5/2010
Dear Miss Emily,
Well, this is a
complicated relationship to say the least. I first met my boyfriend on a
computer game..We started out just being friends and he actually
introduced me to my now ex-boyfriend. I lived in the same town as the
both of them for a little while until the ex and I ended things. The
current boyfriend and I were, the best of friends. We talked about
everything under the sun. I started to develop feelings for him back in
November, and at that point we had known each other for about a year and
a half. My problem is one: that he is eighteen years older than I, and
I feel like I'm just the new young thing sometimes. Kinda
like he's really just infatuated with me rather than "in love" with me.
And my other issue is that he has a live in girlfriend. He tells me
that he's planning on leaving her and he's not sexual with her anymore. I
believe him but I just don't know how much longer I can be the "other
woman". It's so frustrating. Please help!
--------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
The age difference is of some concern for a potential
long-term relationship, but let's lay out the obvious. He hasn't left
his girlfriend, and it seems there is little rush to do it if you see
him under these circumstances. Your boyfriend has two girlfriends -- and
one is a sweet, darling girl eighteen years his junior.Wow! Some people
have all the luck. I know you trust him about not having sex with her
but, whether true, or not (and it's often a fib), he still has a
commitment to her and it's easy to fit into the role of the "other
woman" because...well, you are! I don't know what you want from him in
terms of a commitment, but I'd get that figured out before you take any
action. If you, ultimately, decide he's just a good "older" guy to hang
out with, have sex with, and feel
"special" at certain times in your life -- keep the status quo. Because
if you were to tell him "Let me know when you've moved out and, then,
we can pick up where we left off" you should be pretty sure he's what
you want (if he did follow through) on a regular basis. If not, his
girlfriend might be a good buffer.