Published on 02/28/2010

Emily:

Hi, I am 16 years old and desperately looking for advice on my relationship if you can even call it that. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. We decided to take a break on new years after I asked for it because I was feeling neglected because of all his basketball practices and I felt that I was not important anymore. After it happened I wanted to take it back so badly I even wrote him a letter a few days later. He said he can't take me back now because that was the second time I decided to take a break and wanted to come crawling back so quickly. He says he wants to secure himself so he knows I won't do this again. But it's almost been 2 months and I love him with all my heart. My friends say to give up on him and move on with my life and forget about him but I cant! We are still in contact on instant message but he has not called me in over a month. We still see each other some weekends and hang out like we're a couple but he just won't bring up the subject of getting back together and asking me back. I'm so confused. I don't know where we stand and I just want him back. So my question is what should I do wait for the love of my life and put my life on hold, or move on and better myself to find another? He says he does love me and wants to marry me, and me to be the mother of his kids one day. I want all these things to, but I just want to be with him so badly and I hurt more and more everyday by being away from him. I just need to know is he worth it? Or how long should I wait, and should I ask him about us because I do not want to sound desperate. I just need help in my decision because it can affect the rest of my life.

-------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------------------

I don't think getting back together solves the core issues you had with him when you were together. You either didn't understand his other obligations, or he really was neglecting you. Why do you think things would change if you got back together? And what are your (and his) plans for when you graduate from high school? Sixteen is a little early to be thinking "forever" with anyone! If I don't hear from you, my best advice would be to take the urgency out of this and let things progress naturally. Forcing something to happen could backfire on you. How you socialize with each other, now, gives him the opportunity to be in control. And that's what he wants, presently. I'd let him know that was okay, and start showing him you have a life with a rosy future even if you don't make it work. You never, ever want to appear needy, or desperate (as you know). It's demeaning, and off-putting. That's a burden to him, and something that would keep him from giving the relationship another try. But be aware that your past problems with him won't go away just by wishing it so. These are real problems that would need to be corrected in order for your relationship to work, even if you had a chance with him. You have to figure out if your feelings of being neglected were based on insecurity, or they were legitimate. A good relationship allows some independence and freedom -- and the trust that goes with it.