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Bisexual And Confused
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/11/2009
- Relationships - Women
D ear Miss Emily,
I am female, and I am bisexual, and I have accepted this fact. I generally have been in more relationships with men than with women, but after my last relationship (with a man) ended, I decided that I needed to see a woman instead. I was tired of dealing with men. I had a few dates with a few different girls, but none of them panned out. Then, I met this new boy, and we fell madly in love. We're both 21, but we've been talking seriously about marriage as soon as we finish our university. I haven't looked twice at another boy since we started dating. However, I recently discovered that one of my female friends is bisexual, and now I'm starting to develop feelings for her. She's perfect! I still love my boyfriend, though, and I don't know what to do! I feel like if I stay with my boyfriend, I'm not being true to myself and I'm just taking the coward's way out by giving in to the hetero-norm of today's society! On the other hand, I can't see breaking up with my boyfriend. I really do love him... I just also feel really strongly for the girl next door. Does my bisexuality mean I'll never be happy in a monogamous relationship? What should I do?
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
No I don't think that your bisexuality means you will never be happy in a monogamous relationship. The formula to making a committed relationship -- and marriage work, as you know, are pretty much universal no matter what your sexuality. But I have the strong feeling you aren't ready for the kind of commitment that you and your boyfriend are talking about because, obviously, you haven't matured in this area. And what I mean by that is you've got a lot more living to do before you can settle down to any one person.
I am female, and I am bisexual, and I have accepted this fact. I generally have been in more relationships with men than with women, but after my last relationship (with a man) ended, I decided that I needed to see a woman instead. I was tired of dealing with men. I had a few dates with a few different girls, but none of them panned out. Then, I met this new boy, and we fell madly in love. We're both 21, but we've been talking seriously about marriage as soon as we finish our university. I haven't looked twice at another boy since we started dating. However, I recently discovered that one of my female friends is bisexual, and now I'm starting to develop feelings for her. She's perfect! I still love my boyfriend, though, and I don't know what to do! I feel like if I stay with my boyfriend, I'm not being true to myself and I'm just taking the coward's way out by giving in to the hetero-norm of today's society! On the other hand, I can't see breaking up with my boyfriend. I really do love him... I just also feel really strongly for the girl next door. Does my bisexuality mean I'll never be happy in a monogamous relationship? What should I do?
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
No I don't think that your bisexuality means you will never be happy in a monogamous relationship. The formula to making a committed relationship -- and marriage work, as you know, are pretty much universal no matter what your sexuality. But I have the strong feeling you aren't ready for the kind of commitment that you and your boyfriend are talking about because, obviously, you haven't matured in this area. And what I mean by that is you've got a lot more living to do before you can settle down to any one person.

