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- Should I Leave?
Should I Leave?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 04/21/2009
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily,
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 years now. There was a whole year when we were broken up and I had moved to NYC (we were from CA). I moved because I didn't feel like he loved me. I felt like I was just some girl that fit into his idea of what his life should look like. He never showed much interest in the things I like (books, writing, art.), and he was very closed emotionally. So I left. Fast-forward to now. I moved to Houston, TX to be with him, because I felt that the time apart made us both re-evaluate our relationship and appreciate it more. However, since I've been here I have begun to realize that not much has changed. He is still kind of distant, and superficial. He dosen't ask me about the things I do, or show interest in the things I like. When we disagree he withdraws and I feel like I'm dealing with a child sometimes (although he is 30 this year). I am at a crossroads. Should I stay and make this work? Or should I leave and find someone who makes me feel excited to be with him?
-------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------
You've been afflicted with what I call "two-brain syndrome." One part of the brain is grounded in reality, and the other part is based on hope. From where I sit, Einstein's definition of crazy -- "doing the same thing over-and-over-again and expecting a different result," might apply in this case. Stop chasing a dream. This guy in not the one for you. Yes, find someone who excites you and, this is a big one, shares your interests and passions in life. Although you care for this man, you cannot mold him into something more than what he is -- and that's a man who is emotionally distant, superficial, and childish -- your description of him, not mine.
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 years now. There was a whole year when we were broken up and I had moved to NYC (we were from CA). I moved because I didn't feel like he loved me. I felt like I was just some girl that fit into his idea of what his life should look like. He never showed much interest in the things I like (books, writing, art.), and he was very closed emotionally. So I left. Fast-forward to now. I moved to Houston, TX to be with him, because I felt that the time apart made us both re-evaluate our relationship and appreciate it more. However, since I've been here I have begun to realize that not much has changed. He is still kind of distant, and superficial. He dosen't ask me about the things I do, or show interest in the things I like. When we disagree he withdraws and I feel like I'm dealing with a child sometimes (although he is 30 this year). I am at a crossroads. Should I stay and make this work? Or should I leave and find someone who makes me feel excited to be with him?
-------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------
You've been afflicted with what I call "two-brain syndrome." One part of the brain is grounded in reality, and the other part is based on hope. From where I sit, Einstein's definition of crazy -- "doing the same thing over-and-over-again and expecting a different result," might apply in this case. Stop chasing a dream. This guy in not the one for you. Yes, find someone who excites you and, this is a big one, shares your interests and passions in life. Although you care for this man, you cannot mold him into something more than what he is -- and that's a man who is emotionally distant, superficial, and childish -- your description of him, not mine.
