Dear Miss Emily:

I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. Each time we meet, he treats me really nice and we have a wonderful time together -- but he never contacts me in beteween dates. I send an occasional txt 4-5 days after the date, and he always replies and seems excited to hear from me. But rarely is he the first one to make contact. He is 40 years old, and I know he has a demanding, stressful job, but I still feel he could take a few seconds and send a txt message at the end of the day to check on me. My questions are: Is this guy really not that into me? And should I tell him that I'd like him to contact more often? Again, I don't want to seem a nag or to push him away even further. How would I talk to him about this without sounding needy?

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------

It's not easy to be completely accurate as to why he doesn't initiate contact, although he must when it comes to a date; unless you're the one to make the overture. It may be that his job is stressful, his time is limited and, because of it, he's not ready for any type of commitment. At forty, it's possible he's decided he wants to date, and you're a good candidate but, without verbalizing it, he's letting you know he has set "anti-commitment" boundaries in the relationship by not contacting you between those dates. I don't think you want to lower yourself to ask him to contact you when you don't see him. He simply doesn't, and unless he's totally clueless (and I don't think that's the case), he knows what commitment entails -- and it means giving more than what he is now. Perhaps that will change, in time, but I think you have to take this relationship at face value. He enjoys his dates with you, and if he didn't have some feelings for you, he wouldn't bother . . . but commitment is not on his mind. A stressful, demanding job can do that to a person.