Dear Miss Emily:

I have had a long distance relationship with a guy for 2 years now. We just recently made it an open relationship since we can't see each other. He has a girlfriend right now, and I'm extremely scared that he will fall for her and leave me completely. He says he doesn't like her that much, but I'm scared he's just trying to not hurt my feelings. Two days ago, she got his phone and saw me texting him, and she texted me back saying "I have a girlfriend. She's my baby, not you. Text someone that doesn't have a girlfriend." I didn't say anything to her because I did want to make a problem for him. He didn't answer me until the next day, and said she wasn't mad at him but was mad at me!  Mind you, I don't even know her. I got rid of my facebook because I didn't want to see him being with her but, then, today he answered me in the morning--  but completely ignored my texts after school. Then I went of Skype and he was on, and I'm pretty sure he was video chatting with her because after I was on for a while, he saw I was on and then tried to hide that he was video chatting. After I made my page say I'm invisible, which makes it look like I'm off line , he put it back on line. I'm really scared right now and don't know what to do. He says he loves me. We're both teenagers, and I understand he has needs, so it's an open relationship because we can't see each other. The way  he's acting right now is really scaring me. I feel second instead of his first :( Help!

--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

It's unfortunate, but this often happens. I get many letters like yours. The problem with long distance relationships and, especially, where you haven't met the person in the flesh and blood, is that only one aspect of the relationship is fulfilled. What's important, or should be in a relationship, is the up close and personal association you develop with that person. People have needs, and one of them is physical contact with other human beings. And in a romantic relationship, that would mean holding hands, kissing (intimacy), you get the idea. There's also a need to socialize by going out on dates -- and have shared experiences. You set up this "open" relationship for those very reasons, and you had to know something like this could occur. My heart goes out to you because you have put a great deal of stock into this relationship. For now, the best thing you can do is ride it out, and see what happens. I won't lie to you (people write to me to get an objective viewpoint), he may decide he wants to be with this girl, despite his denial that he truly cares for her. However, like many relationships at this age, it may wane in time. If he's seeing her now, this girl has a right to want him to be faithful. And although she was the one who, apparently (?) wrote that text to you, she should expect him to honor those words.  I would consider seeking a relationship in your area. Long-distance relationships often end up to be heartbreaking because of the difficulties inherent in them. And that's true, when even when in the best circumstances, money and mobility, are not an issue.