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A Broken Engagement?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/22/2012
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My fiance and I have been together for 5 years, and we have been planning a wedding for June. We finally bought a ring and made the engagement "official" 2 months ago. Last night, he came home from work and said we needed to talk, and that he is attracted to some other girl he met about 2 months ago. He has been talking to her and he "might want to date her". He will not tell me who she is, or where they met. He just said it is something new and exciting, he is interested in her, and she said she is interested in him. She knows about me. He said that he is "confused" and needs time to think as he doesnt know why this girl has caught his attention when no one else has since we got together. He also said he is telling me, because he is worried he will cheat and he wants to be honest. He said that he is happy in our relationship, loves me, and feels sick when he thinks of losing me. But this girl is new and exciting, and something he may want to pursue. He claims he hasnt cheated yet. This morning he told me he doesn't think he wants to leave -- but needs time to think and doesnt know what to do. I am so confused and feel so betrayed. He proposed to me! We have been planning on getting married and, all of a sudden, this is happening. We own property together, and have a life together. I just dont know what to do and its tearing me apart. HELP!
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. It is cold comfort for me to say that it's better for this to happen, now, rather than after the marriage. Although his honesty is appreciated, the hard truth is they have expressed their feelings for each other, and it's as if his engagement to you is a secondary issue. This is an emotional affair he's having, and that is a form of cheating. I think you and he need to get into couples counseling NOW. And that's not necessarily to get your relationship back on track, but in order to transition to wherever this relationship is headed. After being together for five years, and this his first attraction to someone else in all that time, this is serious, indeed! I know your hurt is also coupled with anger, but it would be wise for you to use a level head, and maintain your dignity throughout this stunning turn of events. I'm not suggesting forgiveness, I am only asking you to use as much rational thought as possible, in order to not set yourself up for any manipulation by this man.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. It is cold comfort for me to say that it's better for this to happen, now, rather than after the marriage. Although his honesty is appreciated, the hard truth is they have expressed their feelings for each other, and it's as if his engagement to you is a secondary issue. This is an emotional affair he's having, and that is a form of cheating. I think you and he need to get into couples counseling NOW. And that's not necessarily to get your relationship back on track, but in order to transition to wherever this relationship is headed. After being together for five years, and this his first attraction to someone else in all that time, this is serious, indeed! I know your hurt is also coupled with anger, but it would be wise for you to use a level head, and maintain your dignity throughout this stunning turn of events. I'm not suggesting forgiveness, I am only asking you to use as much rational thought as possible, in order to not set yourself up for any manipulation by this man.
