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Boyfriend In Need Of Support?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/22/2012
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My boyfriend and I have been having a lot of trouble, lately, because he says I'm not being supportive of him in the way he needs. It's all about his job. It makes him miserable, and I see it everyday. When he complains about it, I have a tendency to keep pointing out the bad things because I hate what it's doing to him. He is very stubborn, though, and sees finding another job as giving up -- something he refuses to do. So my question is how do I fix the damage I've already done, and how do I be supportive of him and build him up when he has a bad day?
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advicce----------------------
If he, perpetually, has bad days, it's up to him to find a solution. You're not a miracle worker, and his attitude is slightly offensive to me. It's awfully hard to be supportive of someone who isn't willing to change the thing that's torturing him. You're human, and your role as his girlfriend is not to continually placate him when he's being irrational. He does need to find a new job, and that's where you could support him -- by helping him go through the paper, the Internet, and any other source that has want ads. He's being selfish by not being able to transition from job to home, and show a stiff upper lip in order for you and him to have good times together. You can't, and should not be a parent, a counselor, nor a dumping ground for his continued discontent. You can back off on pointing out the negatives to the job, because he already knows them, but other than lending an ear, and an occasional, "I'm so sorry," I think it's he who needs to work this out and get off your case. If he continues to drag you down by his impotence in this matter, reconsider the relationship. He's only thinking of himself, and yet you seem to think you've done damage by being honest with him. Again, what he needs is to get his act together, and you cannot do that for him -- but only support him in his quest.
My boyfriend and I have been having a lot of trouble, lately, because he says I'm not being supportive of him in the way he needs. It's all about his job. It makes him miserable, and I see it everyday. When he complains about it, I have a tendency to keep pointing out the bad things because I hate what it's doing to him. He is very stubborn, though, and sees finding another job as giving up -- something he refuses to do. So my question is how do I fix the damage I've already done, and how do I be supportive of him and build him up when he has a bad day?
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advicce----------------------
If he, perpetually, has bad days, it's up to him to find a solution. You're not a miracle worker, and his attitude is slightly offensive to me. It's awfully hard to be supportive of someone who isn't willing to change the thing that's torturing him. You're human, and your role as his girlfriend is not to continually placate him when he's being irrational. He does need to find a new job, and that's where you could support him -- by helping him go through the paper, the Internet, and any other source that has want ads. He's being selfish by not being able to transition from job to home, and show a stiff upper lip in order for you and him to have good times together. You can't, and should not be a parent, a counselor, nor a dumping ground for his continued discontent. You can back off on pointing out the negatives to the job, because he already knows them, but other than lending an ear, and an occasional, "I'm so sorry," I think it's he who needs to work this out and get off your case. If he continues to drag you down by his impotence in this matter, reconsider the relationship. He's only thinking of himself, and yet you seem to think you've done damage by being honest with him. Again, what he needs is to get his act together, and you cannot do that for him -- but only support him in his quest.
