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Choosing Partner Over Parents
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/18/2012
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Hi. I am a 25 year old young woman, and this year I have gotten engaged and found out I was pregnant. I have never been so happy. My fiance is just perfect for me, and we are expecting a baby in a few weeks now. The problem comes in with my family. I have always been very close with them. I even manage one of my father's businesses. But while my siblings adore my fiance and our baby girl to come, my parents are furious. They absolutely hate him, because he is close to the same age as them. Now, that may sound bad, but I had teen parents, so its' not like he is generations away! They say they want to be a part of this baby's life -- but refuse to even be at the hospital at the same time as he is, and they flat out said he is never welcome at any family gathering -- ever! I do not want to choose between my family, and my new family. I love both so much. What kind of steps should I take to make this less stressful for myself and my baby?
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
Sadly, you are going to have to choose. I don't think your parents' feelings are anything new to you, and you already made one choice to be with him despite it. And now the same holds true. You have a family of your own, now, and that's going to have to take precedence in my humble opinion. Your parents, of course, are being totally unreasonable -- and that's an understatement. They are setting themselves up to completely alienate the child they say they love -- and also be estranged from their grandchild if they continue this absurd posture. And I don't think it would be wise to be taking the baby over to your parents without your future husband being welcome. That's going to hurt him horribly, and drive a wedge between you and him. He's persona non grata, the same as you if you want to show up with him at functions, or visits. You don't seem like the kind of person who is confrontational, nor a daughter who has caused problems for her parents. All you want them to do is accept your husband out of the love they say have for you. Your fiance is not an ex felon, drug user, or a loser. His only "sin" to them is his age. Again, it's a choice. And some choices in life are not always going to give you warm and fuzzy feelings, as you already know; yet I understand the magnitude of your problem, and my heart bleeds for you. I'm afraid, however, you're going to have to be firm with your parents; accept my future husband, or you cannot see me, or the baby. It's a painful choice, but that's what I would choose. I have a feeling your parents will, eventually, swallow their false pride and come around to your way of thinking. I hope so, anyway. If not, they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Extremely foolish, and outrageously immature.
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
Sadly, you are going to have to choose. I don't think your parents' feelings are anything new to you, and you already made one choice to be with him despite it. And now the same holds true. You have a family of your own, now, and that's going to have to take precedence in my humble opinion. Your parents, of course, are being totally unreasonable -- and that's an understatement. They are setting themselves up to completely alienate the child they say they love -- and also be estranged from their grandchild if they continue this absurd posture. And I don't think it would be wise to be taking the baby over to your parents without your future husband being welcome. That's going to hurt him horribly, and drive a wedge between you and him. He's persona non grata, the same as you if you want to show up with him at functions, or visits. You don't seem like the kind of person who is confrontational, nor a daughter who has caused problems for her parents. All you want them to do is accept your husband out of the love they say have for you. Your fiance is not an ex felon, drug user, or a loser. His only "sin" to them is his age. Again, it's a choice. And some choices in life are not always going to give you warm and fuzzy feelings, as you already know; yet I understand the magnitude of your problem, and my heart bleeds for you. I'm afraid, however, you're going to have to be firm with your parents; accept my future husband, or you cannot see me, or the baby. It's a painful choice, but that's what I would choose. I have a feeling your parents will, eventually, swallow their false pride and come around to your way of thinking. I hope so, anyway. If not, they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Extremely foolish, and outrageously immature.
