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Cheating Causes Deep Fissure In Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/18/2012
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Hi. I wanted to ask what to do with my holding by the last stitches, relationship. I had cheated on my boyfriend and we both wanted to get things back to how they were. I understand it takes time, and I know there is a lot of miscommunication between us, but he feels that I don't care enough about him and that I care about what his friends think about me. I do care, but show my feelings differently and, of course, I care about what his friends think; especially when they don't like me already. It's hard enough that there's miscommunication, but that it's long distance too. Recently, I feel like we're just acting as friends, as he says "What's up?" I take it as a friend's greeting, and he doesn't. Is it better to just let go than go through the false hope of thinking things will get back to normal? To move on, or go through the constant spirals of being happy and angry? Thank you!
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
Cheating can be truly forgiven if it's a one shot deal, and not habitual, but it seems he's not totally up to the task. I know he thinks he is, but there is some contradiction in his behavior if "What's up?" is a new salutation he's never used before with you. I think, he thinks he wants to be engaged in this relationship, but there is, more than likely, a subconscious rejection of you. Assuming your guilt is not misreading him, I think it's fair to assume this relationship has enough fissures with the lack of communication and his accusations of you caring more about what his friends think than him. Long distance relationships are hard in the best circumstances, and the fact that you don't see each other on a regular basis makes it even harder to communicate. It might be wise to end the relationship until, or if you and he can move forward with an understanding that you cannot change the past, but you can create a new future through understanding and a commitment to make each other a priority.
Hi. I wanted to ask what to do with my holding by the last stitches, relationship. I had cheated on my boyfriend and we both wanted to get things back to how they were. I understand it takes time, and I know there is a lot of miscommunication between us, but he feels that I don't care enough about him and that I care about what his friends think about me. I do care, but show my feelings differently and, of course, I care about what his friends think; especially when they don't like me already. It's hard enough that there's miscommunication, but that it's long distance too. Recently, I feel like we're just acting as friends, as he says "What's up?" I take it as a friend's greeting, and he doesn't. Is it better to just let go than go through the false hope of thinking things will get back to normal? To move on, or go through the constant spirals of being happy and angry? Thank you!
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
Cheating can be truly forgiven if it's a one shot deal, and not habitual, but it seems he's not totally up to the task. I know he thinks he is, but there is some contradiction in his behavior if "What's up?" is a new salutation he's never used before with you. I think, he thinks he wants to be engaged in this relationship, but there is, more than likely, a subconscious rejection of you. Assuming your guilt is not misreading him, I think it's fair to assume this relationship has enough fissures with the lack of communication and his accusations of you caring more about what his friends think than him. Long distance relationships are hard in the best circumstances, and the fact that you don't see each other on a regular basis makes it even harder to communicate. It might be wise to end the relationship until, or if you and he can move forward with an understanding that you cannot change the past, but you can create a new future through understanding and a commitment to make each other a priority.
