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No Sex In This Marriage
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/18/2012
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My 2nd husband and I have been married for 2 years, coming up, and haven't yet had sex. We met and lived together for 4 years, and things were good that way until he retired -- and then it all went down hill from there. He has gone to doctors for testosterone checks, and he's gone for counseling. Everything is normal, and nothing seems to help. His excuse is stress. He says when all the stress simmers down, he may get his desire for sex back. It has been 3 years since we had sex. I am sinking more and more, and have been beyond patient. Do you think this is an excuse, or does he just not want to be with me that way? He is 63, and I am 56 ,and we are both on our 2nd marriages. I do not want to go without sex for the rest of my life. We love each other, very much, but I don't know what to do. Thanks.
--------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
If there's nothing physically wrong with him -- and no medication that's causing this loss of sex drive, this is a psychological issue with him, and I do think he's using every day stress as an excuse. Counseling is only as good as the information that's divulged. That he psychologically checked out as "normal" does not seem right to me, unless he admitted that "normal" for him is not wanting sex. Bottom line is that he's checked out sexually, and I don't believe things will change with him. I assume he doesn't want to admit it to you, because it's possible you will leave him. And that may be what you'll have to do, unless you decide being with him supersedes all else. Before you make that decision, however, I suggest you go to counseling in order to help you with this rather disturbing issue. As a married woman, you have every right to want a sexual relationship with your husband (of some kind, anyway), and it's not just his problem, but it has become your problem, as well. I am so sorry. You hadn't had sex with him a year before marriage, and it's a shame this wasn't settled prior to walking down the isle.
My 2nd husband and I have been married for 2 years, coming up, and haven't yet had sex. We met and lived together for 4 years, and things were good that way until he retired -- and then it all went down hill from there. He has gone to doctors for testosterone checks, and he's gone for counseling. Everything is normal, and nothing seems to help. His excuse is stress. He says when all the stress simmers down, he may get his desire for sex back. It has been 3 years since we had sex. I am sinking more and more, and have been beyond patient. Do you think this is an excuse, or does he just not want to be with me that way? He is 63, and I am 56 ,and we are both on our 2nd marriages. I do not want to go without sex for the rest of my life. We love each other, very much, but I don't know what to do. Thanks.
--------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
If there's nothing physically wrong with him -- and no medication that's causing this loss of sex drive, this is a psychological issue with him, and I do think he's using every day stress as an excuse. Counseling is only as good as the information that's divulged. That he psychologically checked out as "normal" does not seem right to me, unless he admitted that "normal" for him is not wanting sex. Bottom line is that he's checked out sexually, and I don't believe things will change with him. I assume he doesn't want to admit it to you, because it's possible you will leave him. And that may be what you'll have to do, unless you decide being with him supersedes all else. Before you make that decision, however, I suggest you go to counseling in order to help you with this rather disturbing issue. As a married woman, you have every right to want a sexual relationship with your husband (of some kind, anyway), and it's not just his problem, but it has become your problem, as well. I am so sorry. You hadn't had sex with him a year before marriage, and it's a shame this wasn't settled prior to walking down the isle.
