Dear Miss Emily:

If my surrogate is going to have a baby, and my husband is the father, and we have a donor for the egg, is it all right to tell family about the surrogate but not mention that the baby came from a donor egg? I think the child should know that before anyone else, so we should tell the child when he, or she is young -- and then the child can tell others. What do you think of this plan?

--------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

I think you should tell the family up front. "Gee, sis, 'Timmy' doesn't look like anyone in our family!" Comments like that could incense you, but if family isn't aware your child is not from your egg, you never know what might be said out of ignorance. You can tell your child at the appropriate time, but if your family can be trusted to let this be your concern, and not interfere, I see no reason why the truth isn't best from the get-go.