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- He Doesn't Want Children
He Doesn't Want Children
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/13/2012
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I am dating a divorced man with two children from that marriage. I am 29, and have no children (he is 35). Things have recently become more serious and the subject of children came up and he said he did not want any more. I can understand his reluctance due to the bad breakup with his ex but after much thinking on my part, I have decided it is something that I want in my life. Not immediately, but eventually (and before I am too old!) The situation has more complications. We are both in the military but he is now currently deployed. We decided to stay together through this deployment because we are so much in love and we have an amazing connection. The conversation about the possibility of having kids came up online. We did not delve into the subject deeply, as we both agreed it would be better to speak in person. But now it is all I can think about. I want to bring it up, again, but don't think it would be a good idea. But I also don't want to drag things out because like I said before, after some serious soul searching on my part, I came to the decision I want a child. I wont give him an ultimatum or force him into something he does not want, but this is a deal breaker. Should I cut my losses now, tell him how I feel or wait until he is home?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
I am dating a divorced man with two children from that marriage. I am 29, and have no children (he is 35). Things have recently become more serious and the subject of children came up and he said he did not want any more. I can understand his reluctance due to the bad breakup with his ex but after much thinking on my part, I have decided it is something that I want in my life. Not immediately, but eventually (and before I am too old!) The situation has more complications. We are both in the military but he is now currently deployed. We decided to stay together through this deployment because we are so much in love and we have an amazing connection. The conversation about the possibility of having kids came up online. We did not delve into the subject deeply, as we both agreed it would be better to speak in person. But now it is all I can think about. I want to bring it up, again, but don't think it would be a good idea. But I also don't want to drag things out because like I said before, after some serious soul searching on my part, I came to the decision I want a child. I wont give him an ultimatum or force him into something he does not want, but this is a deal breaker. Should I cut my losses now, tell him how I feel or wait until he is home?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
In a matter as serious as this, yes, I think you should tell him now. It's a black and white issue. You want children, and he doesn't want any more. That is something subject to change for some people, but you seem to think he's pretty adamant about it. And even if he were to agree to one, would that be enough for you? I wonder. You would already have a lot to take in by accepting the role of step-parenting his children, were you and he to marry, and I feel you'd be living vicariously if you acquiesced to having no children with him. But you want them, it's a deal breaker, and I would tell him that's the case sooner, rather than later.
