Dear Miss Emily:

I am a 31year old single parent of 3 sons. My youngest son is a 1 yr. old, and his dad is in a relationship that he has been in for at least 15 years. The dad and I have been dealing with each other since 2005. When I found out I was pregnant, he wanted me to abort my son. I tossed around the options, and decided to keep him. Now the father feels like he has no obligation to my son because he suggested that I have an abortion. We no longer talk because of this. I wanted to just let him take the easy road, so I can just get on with my life. Now I want to take him to court for child support. I feel conflicted about doing so because he never wanted me to have my son, and he's in a relationship. Also, because I'm concerned that I might be taking him to court out of spite.  However, I feel like I'm the only one who is facing consequences for our actions. I'm sure most women would say that's what I get for "messing with someone's man", however, I feel like I could not have had the opportunity if he hadn't initiated it. We have known each other since we were children. We never dealt with each other prior to his relationship and, for years, after his relationship started, I pushed his advances away. One day, I gave in. Although I know I was wrong, I feel like he played a part, and why should I have to face this alone? I want to just not care anymore. I know you get a lot of request for help, Well, I really need some advice on what to do. You can reply either way.

--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------

You've got your hands full, and you didn't mention how much support, if any, you get for your other sons. You are right that he should take responsibility for his role in his relationship with you because of the child that resulted. I think he knows how women get pregnant, and unless you tricked him, he is, at least, financially responsible for helping support his son. And, yes, he's getting off easy. But you have to decide how much you want to deal with him. He will, of course, be resentful if you take him to court (and that's an understatement when he wanted you to have an abortion). However, the court doesn't care if he's resentful. The courts are especially eager to make fathers support their children, rather than the state -- where some women are on welfare. There is, however, no court that requires a parent to be a parent, and if that's what you're looking for, I think you're going to be disappointed. If you pursue this, you will, more than likely, get financial support. It will also disrupt the relationship he has had with this woman for 15 years, but that's of no real concern to you it seems. Do what's best for your son. And if financial support is what you need, go after it. One day, he will want to know who his father is and, who knows, his father may want to connect with him. But the future is uncertain on that score, and you have to deal with the present.