- Home
- Relationships - Women
- Toxic Relationship Goes South
Toxic Relationship Goes South
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/11/2012
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My relationship is down the drain. I screwed up big time, and I don't know how to fix it. He won't let me. What happened my (now x) boyfriend and I argued and he left. He moved in with mates, so I asked to talk and he had an excuse. Then a week later I found up he met up with someone and they slept together. I went crazy and started to yell at him. He called me names, and I got angry so I jumped him and he swung to the wall so he hit his head. I hit with the fist (I'm skinny and have no power), but just the fact that I did it is hurting me and him. But I reacted coz of what happened. Now I don't know how to either get over it and move on, or to get him to believe me in order to prove that I won't happen again. I love him with all my heart, and I am willing to forget and put it behind me. But he won't!! Why can I do???? Please help I'm heartbroken!!!!
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
I think your boyfriend realized that loving with all your heart, is not truly the case. For whatever the reasons you and he fight, it's not out of love, but out of control issues. He's given up, and this last episode of you causing a physical altercation only proves how toxic this relationship is for you and him. Change doesn't happen over night, if at all. One says that only out of desperation. "But I can change, you'll see!" But what usually happens is that the real issues of why the relationship failed are never really addressed. The new "honeymoon" stage ends, and things go back to being troubled again. I don't want to say the failure of this relationship is all your fault. It usually takes two to ruin it, but I think you want him for all the wrong reasons, and that's to fill voids in your life only you can fill. As well, you and he don't seem suited to each other in the most fundamental ways that keep a relationship respectful, and healthy. Leave him be, and let him come to you, if that's going to happen. It appears you going to him only causes the relationship more damage -- if that's even possible. If he doesn't want a re-do, it may end up being best for everyone concerned.
My relationship is down the drain. I screwed up big time, and I don't know how to fix it. He won't let me. What happened my (now x) boyfriend and I argued and he left. He moved in with mates, so I asked to talk and he had an excuse. Then a week later I found up he met up with someone and they slept together. I went crazy and started to yell at him. He called me names, and I got angry so I jumped him and he swung to the wall so he hit his head. I hit with the fist (I'm skinny and have no power), but just the fact that I did it is hurting me and him. But I reacted coz of what happened. Now I don't know how to either get over it and move on, or to get him to believe me in order to prove that I won't happen again. I love him with all my heart, and I am willing to forget and put it behind me. But he won't!! Why can I do???? Please help I'm heartbroken!!!!
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
I think your boyfriend realized that loving with all your heart, is not truly the case. For whatever the reasons you and he fight, it's not out of love, but out of control issues. He's given up, and this last episode of you causing a physical altercation only proves how toxic this relationship is for you and him. Change doesn't happen over night, if at all. One says that only out of desperation. "But I can change, you'll see!" But what usually happens is that the real issues of why the relationship failed are never really addressed. The new "honeymoon" stage ends, and things go back to being troubled again. I don't want to say the failure of this relationship is all your fault. It usually takes two to ruin it, but I think you want him for all the wrong reasons, and that's to fill voids in your life only you can fill. As well, you and he don't seem suited to each other in the most fundamental ways that keep a relationship respectful, and healthy. Leave him be, and let him come to you, if that's going to happen. It appears you going to him only causes the relationship more damage -- if that's even possible. If he doesn't want a re-do, it may end up being best for everyone concerned.
