Dear Miss Emily:
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My 14 year old daughter is wearing makeup that looks freakish.  She wears layers of foundation topped with thick bronzer and there is a line around her entire face showing where the make up stops.  She lines her outer lips a dark color and fills in with gobs of gloss so it looks like someone took a marker and traced around her lips.  She wears thick black eyeliner a la cat style with tammy Faye-ish mascara.  The worst is her eyebrows.  She literally makes her eyebrows 3 times thicker and darker than they are; she almost draws a unibrow on her face and makes square edges.  The sad part is that she is a beautiful girl, naturally, but you would never know it behind the mask she is wearing.  She is an A student, doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs so I tried to let her do her own thing thinking it was a phase but it has been over a year now and I am really disturbed and upset.  She will not talk about it at all, and tells me to stop if I try talking about it.  I offered to take her to a professional makeup artist for a few lessons but she scoffed and said no way.  People stare at her whenever we are in public, my friends ask me what is wrong with her as it is so freakish.  She doesn't care.  I have gotten to the point where I will not go out in public with her as it is too painful to see the stares and whispers from people. I love my daughter and don't know why she is doing this to herself.  Do you think I should take her to a psychiatrist?  She will refuse to go, but I am at the end of my rope.  I don't know why she is so intent on distorting her own beauty.  Any advice?

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------

I think it's perfectly within your right to tell her it's way too much and she must tone it down, and it's not negotiable. You seem to be afraid to exhibit your authority as a parent, and that's not a good place to be now, or in the future! If she seems reasonable in all other areas, her grades are great and she's respectful to you and others in all other ways, it should be within your power (and reasonable) to sit her down and tell her this is not appropriate for her age, and she has two choices: either she makes the changes herself, or she can go to a make-up artist to learn some proper make-up techniques that are age appropriate. This particular age is a time when teens want to express their independence (somewhat like a toddler), but that does not mean looking like a clown is acceptable behavior. Parents often have to bite the inside of their cheeks in order for a child to find his, or her own way, but there are limits. Again, you have a right to a say in how your child behaves and appears in public. If you put your foot down, and she does not comply, it would be smart for you to see a counselor for tips on how to handle her rebellion in this area. Her reasons for doing this, other than thinking it's cool, may be deep-rooted, and you want to cover all bases.