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Parents Oppose Marriage
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/29/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm a 22 year old female. I love my partner very much, and he does too. We want to get married and live together, but my family is against it because he had a past with drugs. He is a great man, very gentle and I respect him a lot. We have accepted each others pasts and built a relation on unconditional love. My family is driving me mad! They are refusing the idea, completely, and threatned me if I'd tried to contact him again. They did not even meet him, but judged him on what they heard (rumors on his past still go on). I'm living with my parents and the house is in chaos. They're very conservative and hated the idea that there was a relation going on behind their backs. We don't want this to be behind their backs. We want to get effin married! I'd be thankful for your advice.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
There's no magic wand to fix any problem, but it sure would be nice in this case! Your conservative parents have dug in their heels, and it doesn't seem as if they're going to change their minds about this man -- in the short term, anyway. You have, I assume, tried in every way you can to explain why he means so much to you, and his past is the past as far as you're concerned. It is obvious why you went behind their backs to date him and, at the end of the day, I don't think that would have made any difference in accepting him if you had been up front about it. If you are financially independent of them, and you feel the life you're living under their roof is chaos, I think it's time for you to move out and be on your own. If you have any hope of them changing their minds about your relationship with him, however, you'll take baby steps, get your own place, and not jump into marriage. Assuming you and he love each other as much as you say, waiting for marriage shouldn't be a big deal. Any urgency makes me think your rebellion exceeds your desire to do this with a carefully thought out plan. At 22, you have a right to live your life as you see fit, but that means financially, and to accept the consequences of the choices you make.
I'm a 22 year old female. I love my partner very much, and he does too. We want to get married and live together, but my family is against it because he had a past with drugs. He is a great man, very gentle and I respect him a lot. We have accepted each others pasts and built a relation on unconditional love. My family is driving me mad! They are refusing the idea, completely, and threatned me if I'd tried to contact him again. They did not even meet him, but judged him on what they heard (rumors on his past still go on). I'm living with my parents and the house is in chaos. They're very conservative and hated the idea that there was a relation going on behind their backs. We don't want this to be behind their backs. We want to get effin married! I'd be thankful for your advice.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
There's no magic wand to fix any problem, but it sure would be nice in this case! Your conservative parents have dug in their heels, and it doesn't seem as if they're going to change their minds about this man -- in the short term, anyway. You have, I assume, tried in every way you can to explain why he means so much to you, and his past is the past as far as you're concerned. It is obvious why you went behind their backs to date him and, at the end of the day, I don't think that would have made any difference in accepting him if you had been up front about it. If you are financially independent of them, and you feel the life you're living under their roof is chaos, I think it's time for you to move out and be on your own. If you have any hope of them changing their minds about your relationship with him, however, you'll take baby steps, get your own place, and not jump into marriage. Assuming you and he love each other as much as you say, waiting for marriage shouldn't be a big deal. Any urgency makes me think your rebellion exceeds your desire to do this with a carefully thought out plan. At 22, you have a right to live your life as you see fit, but that means financially, and to accept the consequences of the choices you make.
